Imperfections
by Maniacal Dragon
Summary: Unsuspecting farmboy Dib is chosen by a pair of floating shoes to go on a quest to save Fantasyland from an evil force. Fairytale/fantasy parody starring IZ characters. Chapter 11 up!
1. Dib Receives His Quest

A/N: This is fairy tale/fantasy parody that includes characters from many of Jhonen Vasquez's works.. most notably Invader Zim. (WHEEE-HOOO!) All such characters belong to him. All others are usually fancharacters or fantasy parodies of my friends (SIs) who all belong to their respective owners. I will appear in here too, but not until later. Anyway, please enjoy this work of insane doom. Much thankies to all my friends for agreeing to appear in this story! ^.^

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Imperfections

Why do you fools always come asking me about these things? the old witch snarled past wrinkled lips. Empty eyes peered out from behind dusty lenses, and one claw-like, gnarled hand tightened around the edge of the wooden counter.

Aubri lifted his gaze to the worn sign hung above her head: _Bitters Doom Telling_. You might want to consider moving your residence out of a booth and to somewhere away from all of us he remarked cynically.

Someone needs to inform them how _doomed_ they are, she snapped in reply, eyes narrowing. She pointed a crooked finger at him, and a small black insect crawled from her sleeve and across her hand, pausing on her fingertip to wave its antennae curiously at the robed young man who stood before it. What nightmarish future do you seek _today_, wizard? Ms. Bitters hissed.

I'm not a wizard, Aubri said coolly. And I think you know what I want.

Yes, yes, everyone does Ms. Bitters scowled fiercely, then swooped under her counter and returned with a cracked crystal ball, which she set down with a thump, leaning forward to stare hard into Aubri's eyes. He gazed back coolly, not even flinching. After a moment, Ms. Bitters drew back, and bent over the crystal ball.

. I see _doom_, she said gruffly. Doom for you, and your friends, and this entire world. Her voice took on a slightly more mystical tone as she continued. For we _fools_ who have made what is His imperfect there will be nothing but DOOM rained down upon our pathetic, doomed heads. There is no way to assuage the DOOM there never is.

Aubri said sharply. Are you referring to a god?

she growled. Something worse. Like so many stinking zombies his nightmarish wrath will descend. Green and orange shields with he of the Bulbous Head Ms. Bitters paused abruptly, blinking into the crystal ball. Whatever. We're all _doomed_. Doomed doomed doomed

Aubri stepped quickly away from the booth, leaving the old witch to contemplate the so-called doom of the world. He couldn't help the sense that there was more to this doomish prophecy of Ms. Bitters, but there was no way he knew what it meant. Legends told of a sword but who was he of the Bulbous Head'? Aubri left the crossroads, stealing away into the woods to find a spot to meditate.

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The sun beat down on Dib's black hair, causing sweat to run into his eyes. He peered through his thickly fogging glasses at the hunched over figure of his father, toiling away to hoe the weeds from the crops. Endless fields spread out from Dib's view, covering hills far off into the distance. Tiny figures were visible among the stark, desolate rows, working endlessly. Dib paused for a moment, dropping to his knees in the soil and tugging at the course woven shirt he wore that was itching terribly around his neck.

he called weakly, and his father looked up slowly, long, oddly spiked hair limp from sweat and the heat. Dib repeated. Isn't she coming back with the water jug yet?

Your sister is busy taking it around to the other workers, son, his father said matter-of-factly. Wait your turn. And remember, work hard! He turned back to his hoeing, and Dib reluctantly pulled himself to his feet, ignoring the aching pain in his back as he continued to hack at weeds with the hoe.

Several more minutes passed, and Dib pushed his scythe of hair out of his eyes for the twelfth time, looking into the distance. He thought he saw a small figure far off on one of the other hills, purple hair glinting in the sun as she dropped the heavy water jug on a worker's foot. The worker's yell carried, echoing back and forth through the hills. Dib's father didn't seem to notice but continued steadily hoeing.

Dib needed a break. His vision was swimming in front of his eyes from the heat, and the hoe was beginning to blister his worn-out hands. With another glance at his father's hunched back, Dib stole quickly across the fields to the only spot of shade in the vicinity a small tree on the other side of the house. He slumped down there, closing his eyes immediately.

A few more minutes passed, before he thought he heard his father calling his name. With a groan, he sat up, and struggled to his feet, heading reluctantly back out. He wasn't more than two paces away from the corner of the house when he stumbled over something and fell face-first into the packed ground.

Almost out of instinct, he rolled away from the point of impact, sitting up to stare at what had tripped him. It was a pair of shoes. They were dirty as befitted their location, but they were white, made of some strange material, and had long thin strings woven through their tops. The strings extended past the shoes and lay dusty and coiled next to them.

Dib reached over carefully towards them, but before his fingers could brush the shoes, a light suddenly swelled up from them, and they slowly lifted from the ground of their own accord, bathed in a flickering white fire. Dib stumbled backwards, still in a sitting position, his eyes wide. A sign?

a voice murmured, and it seemed to be emanating from the shoes as they slowly moved to hover before him, those strange strings now slowly flapping up and down at their sides.

he answered breathlessly, his gaze never leaving the remarkably odd, glowing footwear.

the voice repeated. _You have been chosen_.

Huh? Chosen? What's that mean?? Who are you?

_We are messengers, sent to inform you of your destiny. You've been chosen, Dib, by prophecy and right of your large head. You've heard of the dark ravages that have been plaguing the land within the last few months, have you not?_

Of course I have! My dad goes to town meetings! What does that have to do with me?

_You can stop them, Dib. There is a force more powerful than you can possibly comprehend behind the darkness that is plaguing Fantasyland. Travel to the city of Mitial and there find the inn called The Rubber Piggy'. A mentor will be waiting there for you, and he will guide you on your quest to stop the darkness. We can tell you no more. Good luck on your journey._ With those words, the fiery glow faded from the shoes and they dropped back to the ground, seeming just as dead and useless as they had when they'd tripped him up.

Mitial? I think I know where that is yes I will go on this quest and save all of Fantasyland from certain destruction at the hands of this dark force! Dib climbed to his feet and picked up the shoes. Another glance towards the field showed him that his father was still working.

He'll never even notice I'm gone! Dib said suddenly, and clutching the shoes, he raced into the house to pack his few belongings.

Where are you going at this hour? His father's voice broke through Dib's thoughts as the boy was fastening his pack on. Don't tell me you're chasing after more of those strange lizard races, or that fog that hovers over here in the morning. When are you going to listen to what I've told you about working on _real_ farming?

Dib turned around to face his father. This is important! These weird shoes showed up this afternoon, and told me I'd been chosen to save the world!! I have to go! The fate of Fantasyland DEPENDS on it!!

Of course, son, his father said amiably. Just be home in time for the chores, and remember what I've said about staying sane! With that, he headed off back to the fields. Dib watched him go for a moment, then turned to see his sister behind him, lugging the water jug towards the next row of workers.

Dib cried. I'm off to save the world! Make sure you take care of things while I'm gone, all right? And I will be home someday, after I've completed my noble quest and stopped the forces of darkness from destroying Fantasyland!

Gaz raised an eyebrow, letting the cumbersome water jug fall to the ground next to her. You're leaving? There was an edge of hope to her voice. 

Not forever, Gaz! Well unless something happens like a monster eats me but I know about monsters! I can avoid them!

Why _don't_ you leave forever?

Forever? Um well Gaz, this is my home! I'll travel to the Northern Barrier and the Southern Seas and beyond, but I'll always return home!

Really? You don't suppose you could get eaten by a dragon or something instead?

Gaz, please! Dragons _never_ eat people.

Dib fell silent as his sister regarded him, her gaze steely. Finally she shrugged. Why not? she said. I'm just as tired of this farm as you are. Don't think I'm going anywhere close to the same direction _you're_ going, though. With that, she headed off into the house, leaving the heavy jug trickling a stream of water onto the dry ground. Dib stared at it for a moment, then adjusted his pack and trudged on down the road towards Mitial. He had a mission to undertake, and nothing was going to stop him from doing the best he could.

Mitial. It was large enough, being an important trade center in the southern part of the kingdom, and was criss-crossed with cobbled streets, dirt roads, booths and stalls, markets, inns, and fine houses for those that lived there. Dib reached the city after only his second day of traveling, and the noise and sheer number of the people there overwhelmed him. The clip-clop of horse hooves, the groan of cart and wagon wheels, the chatter and shouting of people haggling, all of it was quite overwhelming for a simple farm boy who had only read about the world.

Excuse me! Dib called, hailing the nearest person that looked like he wasn't in a tremendous hurry. Do you know where I can find an inn called The Rubber Piggy? Before his victim could answer, Dib was nearly bowled over by a farmer with a cart in the middle of the street, and he dived towards a nearby alleyway to avoid being trampled.

Excuse me— he started again, only to find that the person he'd hailed had disappeared. Dib cautiously stepped out of the alleyway, which was dark, smelly, and full of horse manure that had been pitched there from the streets. A feeling of dread began to creep through the boy, as he realized he had no idea where he was, and none of these people looked at all friendly.

Come on, GIR! A loud shout rang out among the throngs, and Dib peered over curiously. Not everyone here was human, of course, but this individual was especially strange. Dressed flamboyantly in minstrel robes of dark purple and red, and carrying a stringed musical instrument that Dib recognized as a fiddle, was a small green being in an extravagant feathered hat. He was marching in a rather odd way, not like the guards at cities often did, but by kicking his feet high into the air and lifting his head up. Trotting at his side was an odd, greenish dog-like animal.

the dog creature shrieked as it tagged after what Dib assumed to be its master.

Yes, GIR! To the Rubber Piggy! the green minstrel called out imperiously. Several of the townsfolk stopped to stare at this person, but moved on with their own business. The Rubber Piggy? With a glance to either side, Dib stole after the pair, keeping a low profile and holding on tightly to the pack with his belongings. Fortunately, the minstrel was not hard to keep track of because of his overly elaborate and flashy garb.

The inn itself that was Dib's goal was a relatively simple one, but it looked clean and, when Dib stepped in the door after the minstrel, appeared well served. Some of the stew that occupants were eating looked positively delicious, at least after two days of way bread on Dib's part. The floors and walls were rough-hewn of a dark hardwood, and a fire burned steadily in a hearth at the other end of the room. Barmaids moved among the tables with drinks and meals.

Marching to the front of the room and leaping up on a table was the minstrel Dib had followed, and he calmly turned to face the room, solid crimson eyes regarding everything as he lifted his fiddle and laid the bow across the strings.

ZIM is HEEERE!! the minstrel shouted, gaining the attention of everyone in the inn, including the owner, a sweet-faced, plump woman with medium-short black hair in curls.

Not again the owner groaned, and disappeared into the kitchen area.

PAY ATTENTION! The minstrel was hollering now, as he swept off his feathered hat, revealing two long, thin black antennae flicking back from his otherwise bald head. The green dog he'd come in with was occupying itself chewing happily on the leg of the table that Zim stood on.

The AMAZING fid-ill master ZIM is here to play for you AAAALLLL!! A bold expression and an imperious stance dared the occupants to make a protest. None did.

Dib forced his gaze away from the extravagant fellow, peering instead at the other occupants of the inn. Most of them sat at tables, some of them casting nervous glances at Zim, some groaning audibly. The patrons, at least, seemed used to this

There was one girl, however, who was watching with open interest. Dib stared at her. She was wearing the _oddest_ clothes he'd ever seen a short, simplistic tunic of a grayish color, and oddly printed blue pants. Most intriguing was the device she held in her hands rectangular and silver, a touch on its side by the girl's fingers produced a contraption like a rod that extended from the box, and she lifted the device up to her face, tapping some more buttons.

she said with a delighted smile on her face as she gazed at the minstrel. How cute!

Dib gasped in amazement as a bright flash of light went off in the minstrel's face.

STOP THAT!! Zim screamed at the girl, giving her a hefty glare before turning his attention to his fiddle, lifting the bow to the strings and playing out a scale of notes, before launching into full melodic execution.

The minstrel did actually play very well, well enough that he held the attention of everyone in the vicinity except one young man, who kept glancing around the room as if searching for something. Dib gulped nervously as the man's gaze landed on him and seemed to lock. Maybe this was his mentor but wasn't this guy a bit _young_ for that? Dib tried to block out the sensual fiddle music that washed through the room, and moved towards a corner to find a table, climbing up on a chair to try and see better.

Yes, that man was definitely watching him. Dib returned his gaze nervously, but the young man only smiled at him before turning back to his glass of water. The man was dressed in a simple robe, long and brown with a simple embroidered design down the front and along the cuffs. His dark brown hair was long, falling past his shoulders, and his eyes were a soft grey.

A loud crash grabbed Dib's attention, as everyone in the room looked sharply over to the table where the minstrel had been playing.

Zim's ear-splitting scream of dismay jarred the hearing and caused many an eye twitch of annoyance among the room's occupants. The table the minstrel had been standing on had collapsed on one of its legs, and the green dog-like creature was now staring at the splintered leg, sawdust innocently framing its mouth and covering its little red tongue.

CAN I NOT BRING YOU ANYWHERE WITHOUT YOU DOING SOMETHING COMPLETELY BRAINLESS!? YOU HAVE ALREADY BEEN FED TODAY!!! YOU DO NOT NEED TO EAT TABLES!! The minstrel was livid by now, fiddle clutched protectively to his chest as he screamed at the dog, which seemed completely oblivious. In fact, it giggled quietly and smiled charmingly at the inn patrons as they watched Zim's display with growing irritation.

You have interrupted my FID-ILL PLAYING, GIR!! Zim ranted, holding the aforementioned instrument almost tenderly as he looked down at it. If you had caused the fid-ill to be HURT I would I would if you were NOT SO _ADVANCED_, GIR, I WOULD—

Shut up! one large man snapped suddenly, throwing his just emptied mead mug violently towards the minstrel. The mug clouted Zim in the side of the head, and the green being's antennae shot straight up into the air.

YOU DARE TO HIT THE MIGHTY HEAD OF ZIM WITH THIS... Zim paused to look down at the mug that trickled mead onto the sawdust-coated floorboards. WALNUT!!

giggled the dog on the floor, and it smiled, scooping up an armful of the sawdust and throwing it into the air. 

Quit playing around, GIR! Zim said, as he crawled under the downed table. And protect your master!! This last comment was followed by a barrage of various loose items against the table, consisting of mugs, bowls, knives, even a chair or two.

Dib stared. The brash minstrel was hiding under the table in earnest now as just about everyone in the tavern seemed to leap into the action, swinging at each other. Dib's eyes got even wider when he saw a couple of knives being pulled. GIR, despite its instructions to protect its master, remained sitting where it was, playing with the sawdust. The girl with the odd device had climbed up onto a table near the wall and was cheering various things such as, WHOO! GO MISTER HAIRY BACK! BITE HIS RIBS! BITE HIS RIBS! Oh that is one ­_mis-used_ spork

Dib stared, cowering against his chair, as the fight raged on. The young man he'd noticed before finished his glass of water, set it down on the table, and stood up, only a moment before the table was toppled in the ensuing chaos and a couple of its legs broken off for use as clubs. The young man headed calmly towards Dib, pausing to step over an overturned chair.

This isn't a good place to be right now, the young man murmured as he reached the corner, and Dib looked up, startled.

Who are you? he demanded.

Right now, the young man started, I'm just wondering what you're doing here— He ducked suddenly, as a flying plate barely missed hitting him and smashed into the wall instead, shattering into powder that showered into his hair and over his robe. He stood back up slowly with a wry smile. What a crowd can do sometimes, eh?

The girl in the odd clothing was doing things with the strange object in her hands again, and the small light on it flashed repeatedly throughout the room. The girl randomly called to everyone in the vicinity, leaping off the table as she managed to dodge the minstrel's little green dog who had trotted out into the center of the brawl and had begun a dance number. Oh wow, these are some _great_ pictures! Especially with that little dancing dog! The girl called, still messing with the box that was emitting flashes of light like mad. Hey, green person! Come out of there! I'm sure you could take down all these guys that are much stronger and taller than you! Hey!

well.. Dib started in answer to the young man's question. I was told to come here by— Dib shrank down in the chair as a mead mug crashed into the wall above his head, bounced down off the table, and came to a rest under another chair. By a wow, this sounds _really_ stupid a pair of shoes Dib hurried to keep talking as he saw the young man lift an eyebrow. They told me I would meet a mentor he— Dib was interrupted by the sudden need to dodge some flying silverware, but he kept his gaze on the young man's face.

Well whoever you're waiting for the young man said with maddening calm, I don't think he'd be in this brawl right now...

Yeah I'd think not Dib said nervously, his knuckles whitened as he clung to the back of the chair.

I'm heading out, the young man said. I think you should too. You can follow if you like.

Hey wait a minute, who are you?? Dib called, but was distracted by a chair sailing past his line of sight.

Don't you think they—hey, whoa! Watch where you're throwing those, pal! The girl with the strange object exclaimed, seeming quite honestly surprised. She started edging her way towards the door, glancing around, seeming worried for her welfare for the first time since the fight began. I'd better make a run for it she mumbled, eyes wide.

Dib looked around frantically for the young man in the robe, and finally spotted him heading for the door in a straight line. Dib was ready to stay where he was, being wary by nature, but something caught his attention; the man didn't flinch at all as he moved it was as if the fighting hordes were unconsciously making a path for him. If there was a path out, Dib figured he'd better take advantage of it, and he leapt from the chair, scrambled under a table, and tagged closely at the young man's heels on his way out of the inn.

The minstrel under the table also seemed to notice this, and he watched the pair with an appraising eye before charging suddenly from his hiding place, snatching up the green dog as it did a pirouette in the air over a large fallen man, and tearing at top speed towards the door. He clutched his fiddle protectively against his chest, while dragging the dog by one ear. The girl with the strange box was also running for the door now.

The young man, again with maddening calmness, stepped out into the street and to the side from the door. Dib dove out after him, immediately flattening to the outside wall of the inn to try and catch his breath. A loud clatter of a thrown bowl from just inside the door was followed by the small green minstrel flying haphazardly face-first into the street, where he managed to curl into a protective roll around his instrument. The girl with the odd device followed immediately after, missing the bowl the minstrel had tripped over but tripping over the minstrel himself.

howled the minstrel, clutching the fiddle tighter as the girl sailed over him. He sat up immediately as soon as she was past, checking the instrument over for any damage. His robes were mussed and the hat that he'd thrown haphazardly back on his head was askew, but the fiddle was unharmed. The minstrel got to his feet with a sigh of relief, and haughtily brushed himself off.

Look Master! the little green dog screeched, picking up the girl's fallen object. A fish box!

Hey no! The girl yelped, snatching the box back from the dog. That's a camera! It's more precious than you could EVER imagine. She gazed at the camera in her hands for a moment in confusion. Fish box

whimpered the dog. I wanted ta have BRUNCH!

The girl stared at the dog for a long moment. You have _such_ a cute dog, little minstrel, she said suddenly with a beaming smile. A cute _talking_ dog..

Dib looked up at the young man who stood beside him. He had no idea who any of these people were he'd followed the minstrel here, and he was supposed to meet a mentor here surely none of these people were his mentor? This young man seemed the only likely candidate, but he hadn't said anything about the quest yet

Why does this sort of thing always happen? the man said thoughtfully as he gazed up at the sky.

Dib gave Zim, who was muttering evilly at the girl who had called him little', another wary glance before looking back at the young man. Do.. do they usually happen?

Ah, I tend to have to be in unusual places in my line of work—

the minstrel shouted suddenly, interrupting Dib's conversation as he jabbed a gloved finger at the girl with the camera. YOU were amazed by the fid-ill prowess of ZIM!! Were you not!? This last comment was followed by a steely glare, but the girl just blinked at him in confusion.

Fid-ill? Fiddle? Oh yeah! You were great, she said with a severely cheerful smile, and patted Zim's hat patronizingly.

The minstrel's glare increased as he backed away. Do not touch my hat of DOOM!

Sheesh, sorry the girl muttered. Hey maybe you can help me, I'm kind of lost

Dib tried to focus on the young man again. So.. um are you the one the shoes told me about? My mentor? Shoes aagh.. why did they have to be shoes?? That sounds so stupid

Well, Dib, I've heard stranger, the young man said, and looked down at the green dog who had attached itself to his leg.

I loves you, wizard-man, the dog cooed, its tongue sticking out cutely.

I'm not really a wizard, you know the young man said, gazing at the little dog.

Dib said suddenly, narrowing an eye suspiciously. How did you know my name?? And what IS that dog.. thing? It doesn't look like a dog..

What else? It's a talking dog that stands on its hind legs.

You know, how come you keep changing the subject on me?? You haven't answered one straight question I've asked you!! Dib demanded.

Hey come on I _really_ don't belong here the girl with the camera was saying to the minstrel.

Well, OBVIOUSLY you do not belong, Zim said with a superior glare. You are filthy, dressed in HIDEOUS clothing, and carry idiotic light boxes around with you!!

This is not idiotic! the girl said defensively. It's a camera! I'll show you! She knelt down in front of the minstrel and snapped a picture right in his face. Say cheese!

Zim howled. STOP AT ONCE!!

Dib found his attention drawn once more by the camera. What does that thing _do_, exactly? he asked.

Aw, come on, strike a pose! the girl was saying as she snapped picture after picture of the little minstrel. Huh? What does it do? Oh! It um sees what you see and then freezes the moment in a copy you can see later. It's kind of like freezing the moment I guess She shrugged unknowingly and snapped another picture of the minstrel, who had been watching the camera with intrigue and was now posing before it.

Really? I've never seen anything like that before You can see the moment later you mean? Dib asked her, his gaze still fixed on the camera.

squealed the little green dog, still clinging to the minstrel's leg.

Oh yes, yes you can—

the robed young man said, pointing off in a random direction.

You can see the moment la—

The little green dog leapt from the man's leg and took off down the street, gaining the attention of the minstrel and shaking him out of his pose for a moment.

Zim howled. GET BACK HERE!!

BIRDIES, MASTER!! returned the screeching dog.

the young man said, turning to a rather dazed Dib. Did these shoes say anything else, Dib?

They said wait!! How do you know my name!? You still haven't told me how you know my name! Dib protested.

Hey that's cool mister wizard-guy!! the girl with the camera broke in. What's my name??

How the hell should _I_ know? the young man said, looking at her with raised eyebrow.

Oh well.. gee.. sorry.. she said dejectedly.

If you don't know _her_ name, how do you know _mine_?? Dib demanded, determined not to let the young man escape his questioning again.

The man merely shrugged. Because your name's important somehow.

A rather hurt look crossed the girl's face. Well that's it. I'm not speaking a word to you about the bubonic plague! she huffed, ignoring the small green dog that returned pirouetting around her with a pigeon stuffed in its mouth.

Huh? Important? What do you mean? Dib insisted suspiciously.

She's important in this too I'll warrant but I don't know how yet

Her? She doesn't even look like she _belongs_ here I've _never_ seen clothes like that Dib cast another wary glance at the girl.

It's just a t-shirt, she protested.

Oh, well the young man said thoughtfully. Maybe she's from those strange places out east. How do you eat with a pair of sticks I wonder

the girl began, only to be interrupted by the minstrel, who had stopped screaming at his dog long enough to take note of their conversation.

This human is a foreigner to our lands!! he crowed triumphantly, pointing vindictively to the girl. And therefore a threat!! GIR!! ERADICATE THIS THREAT!! He smiled triumphantly down at his dog, who gazed at him silently while munching on the pigeon.

Hey no don't.. uh um oh! Strike a pose, you amazing thing you! The girl crouched down quickly and resumed snapping pictures of the tiny minstrel.

GIR! If you will not—yes, yes I am amazing, am I not? The minstrel swept off his hat, stepping into an appropriately amazing' pose.

The young man sighed and turned back to Dib. About being important', Dib someone told me to look for you she didn't say how or where just that I'd meet you. And she didn't give me a name old bat. Always talking about the end of the world

the shoes said there was a force of darkness behind the ravages on Fantasyland, lately Dib said cautiously.

Force of darkness, eh? the young man said. That explains it then He wiggled his fingers in an imitation, muttering, Doom.. doom.. dooom He laughed slightly. If it weren't for what I'd heard of her

I hope I have more film the girl was saying nervously. Else all I'm going to have on this is one tiny green fiddler

ZIM is MIGHTY!! the minstrel insisted, puffing his chest out and setting his fiddle under his chin as he dropped into another pose.

Dib found himself staring at Zim once more. What.. is _wrong_ with him? he said to the young man, nervously.

I don't know the man replied, also looking at the minstrel. He's an artist they tend to be eccentric.

Oh yeah my dad told me about them but then, he thinks anything besides real farming' is a waste of time

Glad you got out of that place then sounds stifling.

The minstrel huffed, ignored, and immediately launched into playing a slow, hypnotic melody on his fiddle.

Hey guys, the girl with the camera was saying. I hate to interrupt but where are she never finished her sentence, but turned to Zim, an interested expression on her face, as she listened to him play. The tiny minstrel seemed delighted with her reaction, and an evil grin spread across his face as he concentrated more intensely on his playing.

The young man gave the minstrel an appraising look, then turned back to Dib. Although, there is an old legend about a sword ever held a sword, Dib?

Dib tore his gaze away from Zim to look back up at the man. there aren't very many of them around here

The man pulled a sword out of his belt from underneath the robe. This one's pretty old

Listen to the fid-ill the minstrel was cackling, and Dib felt his gaze traveling back to the green being.

But it's not what we're looking for. The young man twirled the sword a couple of times, then slashed decisively in Zim's direction. Dib couldn't see what had happened, but it was as if the slow, smoky-sweet lure of the music had been abruptly cut. This did not escape the minstrel's notice, and the bow bounced off the fiddle-strings as he jerked in rage.

HOW DID YOU DO THAT!? he bellowed as well as a small being could. Foolish WIZARD!! You dare to foul with the spell of ZIIIIIM!?

wow what was that the girl was mumbling, shaking her head.

The sword I'm thinking of is odd in a way the young man continued, attempting to ignore the loud little minstrel.

Dib inquired, forcing himself to ignore the being as well.

Oh yes, you think you are so AMAZING with your wizardly powers!! But the foreign human stink-beast still belongs to ME!!! The minstrel continued his rant, oblivious to the fact that he was being ignored, before turning superiorily to the girl. Yes, I _am _amazing, am I not?

What were you doing to me? the girl said in confusion. stink-beast that's not very nice

the man continued, still ignoring the other two. It's supposed to bring forth light in the darkness or somesuch

Really? Is that what the.. uh.. the bat told you?

No, this is an old poem

The light in the darkness, is that the darkness the.. er.. the shoes were talking about?

Could be, it would make sense I don't remember it all it's old as the hills around here though.

Nobody knows where it comes from really, do they? Dib paused, his sense suddenly assailed by the fiddle music, which had started up once more. dark force, I mean

you're doing that playing thing again the girl was mumbling, her glazed stare hauntingly reminiscent of Dib's own.

I could try to lead you where it's supposed to be— The man paused, looking down, as the little green dog attached itself to his leg once more. But this dog's stuck to my leg

Oh.. uh.. HEY! Dib managed to shake the fiddle-spell off for a moment, pointing to the minstrel. Can you _call_ off your _dog_?

said the minstrel imperiously, and he stopped playing a moment to puff his chest out in what Dib suspected was an attempt at a tough pose although the girl with the camera thought otherwise.

she cooed, taking another picture before giving the little minstrel a hug. You just know I'm going to make THAT snapshot into a postcard! she smiled widely.

the minstrel yelped. Oh Irk!! Oh the FILTH!!! LET GO AT ONCE!! AUUGH!!! He struggled out of her grasp, shuddering.

she protested, letting him go. I wasn't hurting you! And I'm not filthy!

The minstrel composed himself, adjusting his hat and brushing off his robes. NEVER touch the might of ZIM, he sniffed. You are not worthy.

worthy? An offended expression crossed the girl's face.

Yes. ZIM is almighty. The minstrel lifted the bow to the strings of his fiddle again.

Um how about we not do that this time? the girl said hurriedly, grabbing the bow from him. I kind of like free will

The little green dog chose that moment to let go of the young man's leg and launch itself for the minstrel's head although Dib wasn't entirely sure that was accidental on the man's part. Especially after what he'd done with that sword 

the minstrel was shouting, GIVE THAT BA—GIIIIR!! GET OFF MY HEAD!!! The green dog landing dislodged the elaborately feathered hat, and the minstrel growled, swiping the bow back as he turned to the girl, a smug expression on his face as he tried to ignore his wayward pet.

Illusion is the only _true_ joy— the minstrel began to the girl, GET OFF, GIR!! You must give in to the sensual beauty of Ziiiiiiimmm's fid-ill! GIR!! STOP—OWWWWWW!! Dib winced at the piercing yell, and looked over to see the green dog yanking happily on the green being's antennae.

GIDDAP LIL PIGGY! the dog screeched.

The sword's resting place is—

GRAAAAAH!! RELEASE ME GIIIR!!

—somewhere off to the north, that way the young man was attempting to say.

Oh damn it all okay!! the girl broke in, and picked GIR up from the minstrel's head. Come on, little pup, leave your master's.. um.. hair.. alone.. She looked down at Zim, who was rubbing his antennae with an awful grimace on his face.

What does the sword _do_, exactly? Dib persisted.

I haven't the slightest, the young man answered. The prophets of the past really didn't have much compassion for people reading their poetry They're all so vague.

But this dark force that's taking over the land will the sword stop it?

_I_ am the evil force of this land!! ZIM!! the minstrel said huffily, picking his hat back up.

You?? What?? Dib stared at the minstrel.

Yeeessss, large-headed HUUUMAN larva! ZIM is SUPREME! the minstrel said proudly.

Dib stared, then turned nervously back to the young man who he was already beginning to think of as his quest mentor. Hopefully it was a correct assumption to make Is he just.. um insane-talking? Dib asked.

If he's not, this is going to be one short voyage

Dib and the young man both gazed curiously at the little minstrel, who stared back at them uncomfortably. The little minstrel glared at JC, who was occupied with cuddling the minstrel's dog. He folded his arms huffily, then suddenly snatched up his instrument again.

You would all like the illustrious FID-ILL now? he said, resuming his confident pose as he immediately began to play, ignoring the sudden confidently diabolical smile the young man was giving him.

I'M A FERRET! shrieked the little dog from the girl's arms.

I like music she was saying as she stared at the minstrel with round eyes. Dib found himself staring too, but he shook his head violently, trying to shake off the effects.

What is _with_ that thing he said. That guy is dangerous!! Hey! He pointed at JC. You not belong here but stay away from that minstrel! Do you know what he's doing to your _mind_!?

But Dib she murmured, still staring. He plays so well

YOU know my name too? Dib yelped, staring wide-eyed at the girl. Oh.. oh wait you said it.. he mumbled to the young man.

Aubri narrowed his eyes. It was a sure spell the little minstrel was weaving with that instrument of his, one that flowed easily and deceptively through the mind. The strange girl was quite solidly under his spell, and Dib was beginning to falter, too, although he was trying harder to resist it. If there was one thing that could be said about the large-headed boy it was that he had a good sense of what things were, and what to avoid.

Aubri shifted his gaze to the minstrel, whose fingers leapt easily over the fingerboard as the bow darted on the strings, an evil grin on his face as he gazed intensely at the girl. Aubri's eyes locked on Zim's face, a wide, almost maniacal smile spreading across his face.

The effect was almost immediate. The minstrel faltered, glanced warily, edged away from Aubri, but tried to keep up playing and working his spell on the girl.

Yeeessss.. Zim's playing is AMAZING!! It is your maaaaster Zim was nearly purring now, though the effects were being shaken more and more by the waves of malice coming from Aubri's smile and death-glare.

the girl yelped, cut free for a moment. Hey would you stop trying to control my mind with your hypnotic fiddle!

The minstrel scowled, concentrating hard on keeping his music affecting the girl, although Aubri was making sure it was difficult for him at best. You _adore_ the might of the _fid-ill_ the minstrel half-growled.

Dib tugged on the sleeve of Aubri's robe. Can we leave somehere else this guy is _really_ freaky.. and look what he's DOING to her!

Why are you doing this to ME!? the girl was grumbling, trying to cover her ears but not quite able to take her eyes off of the minstrel.

Because you are eh.. _special_.. yeeeesssss.. you humans like to be _special_, do you not? Zim cackled, and Aubri tried to ignore Dib's implorations to leave, shocking the minstrel with a harder wave as he narrowed his eyes. He could feel Zim struggling against the force, a terrible grimace on his face.

the minstrel howled, dropping his bow and turning on Aubri in fury. DO NOT INTERFERE WITH ZIM'S MIGHT!!

Special is good the girl murmured, then suddenly her eyes went wide and she darted to hide behind Aubri. Ah!! Zim' is trying to control me!! she yelped. Zim himself kept glaring all the while as he edged away, picking up his bow, his eyes never leaving Aubri's face. Aubri kept the gaze right back on him, and the minstrel shifted nervously, then tucked his fiddle under one arm.

How does.. um.. that fiddle-trick work? Dib was asking suspiciously, gazing at the instrument.

Music is a strong magic of its own, Aubri said thoughtfully, letting the malice field lessen slightly.

None of YOUR business, DIB-child of the gigantic HEAD!! snapped the minstrel.

My head's not big! Dib protested.

Zim laughed evilly. he cackled. Come! We have much to do! He turned to go, then paused, looking back.

the girl said, looking around. where did he go..? There was a pause as everyone glanced around for the location of the minstrel's green dog.

The little creature was perched on top of the girl's head. She didn't notice this, however, and continued looking around. He's gone! she said, a touch of worry in her voice. The minstrel sighed in exasperation.

He is right there!! Zim gave the girl a glare as he pointed to GIR, who remained silent, waving its small black arms and smiling. The minstrel growled. The little dog still didn't move.

Zim lifted his head decisively, placing his fiddle under his chin again. The stink-human shall accompany us as the slave of the mighty ZIM! Come, filthy one The fiddle music started up again, and Aubri heard himself sighing in exasperation as the girl's face once again fell into a glazed stare.

Haven't the time for this now he murmured. Come on, Dib he paused to look at the girl.. and, what is your name, anyway?

the girl mumbled, following after Zim, who had begun to march away, still playing the fiddle. Can't talk right now, Dib fiddle is playing. Dib shot her a confused glance, then looked up at Aubri, who rolled his eyes, then started singing along with the minstrel's playing. Perhaps there wasn't time to deal with the haughty little minstrel, but Aubri didn't feel right about leaving the hapless JC in his spell. And so he followed, singing, embellishing the bowstrokes with a bit of musical hypnosis of his own, but aiming it at Zim instead of JC. Dib followed uncertainly, keeping a close eye on the people around them.

Aubri concentrated on the minstrel, giving him a nudge to the right, forward, down this street, along that building and Zim followed every nudge, so wrapped up in his own playing and spell over JC that he was completely unaware of being manipulated. Aubri could tell the strength of the minstrel's own music being as good at it as he was, he must've had a lot of practice. Even this nutty Irken might serve a use in the quest for the sword music was a powerful tool. As evidenced by JC, who was trailing along behind the minstrel, aware of neither her surroundings nor the little dog dancing on her head.

The town around the group was looking different this was the North end of Mitial, where most of the trading centers were oriented, including the largest marketplace in the near kingdom. Aubri paused a moment to glance around, deftly avoiding a string of hand and horse-drawn carts, pushing Dib to one side as well.

The minstrel stopped, his eyes opening as he paused in his fiddle-playing, and he look around, seeming unnerved. Where am I? he said, before his gaze found Aubri. YOU!! Wizard-human bearing vile tricks of manipulative eh DOOM!! WHAT DID YOU DO!? This is not the end of town ZIM was heading for, the minstrel huffed, glaring.

Aubri ignored him and turned instead to Dib. What do you have in that pack, there? We have a long way to go and it might do to ask around and find out where we should be heading

Dib unshouldered his makeshift pack, and opened it.

HEY! HEY! the minstrel was ranting. DO NOT IGNORE ZIM! JC was standing off to one side of him, looking dazed, while the little green dog danced merrily on her head.

Hey you know, she began. I think they're kind of busy why don't.. no! No, I don't want you to play that thing again. You know I'll bet they know where I am. She darted over to where Dib was digging through his pack.

Way bread, water skin my spyglass.. lump of charcoal.. laptop compu—oh no, that's a sketchbook.. Dib was muttering.

Hey wizard-guy! Hey Dib! JC said as she bounced up to the pair. I was saying before um.. I'm kind of lost, do you think you could help me find the way home?

The muuuusic is your HOME! the minstrel called. And do not ask those filthy HUUUUmans for directions! They are full of stinky _water_!

Well, we're here now we need some supplies we have a long way to go. And I'm not a wizard, Aubri said.

Dib gazed up at him, frustrated. Then what ARE you?

My name is Aubri, Aubri told him. And I am an experientialist.

The market was a busy place, even near the end of the day. Stalls selling food, goods, and supplies, street jugglers and other entertainers, one large open area where horses were being auctioned, areas where candles were being made, mead was being brewed, there was food of a number of sorts being prepared. Rich smells filled the air, and Dib found himself eyeing the pork ribs and fresh bread hungrily. Two days on waybread made him hungry for _real_ food. He had a bit of a wish to see a jousting tournament, but this place was too far south of the castle for any of that sort of spectacle to be held here.

Stinky, filthy huuuuumans, the minstrel on Dib's right muttered, kicking his feet high in the air as he marched. Dib glared. Why did this obnoxious being have to remain with them? Aubri thought he'd be helpful', and it seemed the minstrel had a devious interest in ruling the world, saying that he would put up with the adoring attentions of his fans for a.. as he called it doomful cause'. JC trailed along behind next to Aubri, snapping pictures of everything.

What do we need to take? she was saying eagerly. Oh, candles, I like those oh look at that necklace! Hand-carved stones, right? Oh that's a neat cape

nothing fancy, Aubri said. Food, something to sleep on, horses, weapons, and hopefully a trade caravan of some sort to travel with mind, we need to figure out where our first stop is going to be. I know there's a weaponsmaster who lives east of here

The wafting sound of music broke through the crowds, gaining Dib's attention although the minstrel next to him didn't seem to hear it. Dib knew it was standard for wandering minstrels and performers to take up a spot in a marketplace and perform for donations and yes, this did seem to be what was going on. The minstrel, however, once he noticed, seemed uncontent to pass by quietly.

Zim turned his head, squinting one eye, and regarded the group of colorfully garbed gypsies that played at the corner of the street near the market. The first, and probably only thing that caught his eye was the fact that in the musical group two fiddles were being wielded.

AH HA! The gypsies looked up, startled, as a short green figure strode up to them, purple-colored robes swirling around his boots. Zim shouted, pointing at the lead fiddle player. You think you can best the MIGHT of ZIIIIM on the FID-ILL!? The gypsy stared at him, perplexed, pausing in his playing.

A moment of awkward silence followed. Zim glared at each of them in turn, before whipping out his own fiddle and placing it under his chin. Move aside, worms! he crowed, leaping onto a crate near the gypsy wagon. Another moment of silence followed, then Zim the minstrel put his bow to his fiddle-strings and began to play.

Even passersby stopped to listen to this. The melody started off slow, Zim's gloved fingers expertly dancing up and down the fingerboard and the bow flowing easily along the strings. It sped up after a moment, and as the gypsies listened, they began to join in, the two on their fiddles, one with a hand drum, one with a mandolin, one on a flute, and the youngest of them with a tambourine.

YEESSSS!! BOW, MONKIES!! BOW TO THE FID-ILL OF ZIIIIIM!! the minstrel howled in delight as he sawed the bow across the strings, twisting on the crate and flowing with the rhythm of his own music. Quite a crowd was beginning to gather, many of them watching the little green dog-creature swinging its hips in the middle of the street with a big goofy smile on its face.

The youngest gypsy, a young woman dressed in a long, colorful skirt and a loose-fitting blouse, took her tambourine out into a dance on the street, twisting and whirling to the music.

Zim called to her. Dance! DANCE! He whirled again, robes sweeping around his small figure dramatically, as he leaned into his fiddle playing, the melody broken only by his slightly discordous evil cackling. And she danced, long blond hair and skirts flowing as she leapt and twirled, her green eyes sparkling at her newfound hero.

Off across the street, behind the crowds, Dib looked up to whisper to Aubri. Is this _really_ a good idea he said nervously. Dib was wary of this minstrel he didn't trust him at all. And he seemed much too fond of attention wouldn't that bring the Dark Lord's eye to them and their quest? They hadn't even _started_ yet, it was true but Dib was afraid that a dark force as powerful as the one ravaging the land would have ways of knowing about anyone with the intention to stop it.

Let him have his fun, Aubri said. It'll keep him occupied while we get what we _need_ JC.

she said, pausing from re-loading the film in her camera.

Aubri sighed. Do you think you'd be at _all_ able to pick out the kind of clothes you'll need?

Oh, sure, she agreed, shutting the camera. Dib found him watching the device again with intrigue. If it really _did_ make captures, it would be an incredibly useful tool.. but then how did you get them _out_?

Zim didn't even notice when his group filed away as quickly as they could to gather supplies. Of course, Zim could handle his OWN supplies, by HIMSELF. That was a given. And with the world bowing to his fiddle, there was little he couldn't accomplish. He twirled again on the crate, the bow flying across the strings of his fiddle. Quite a group had gathered now, clapping along with the melody and cheering. Zim turned slightly, and caught the eye of the youngest gypsy as she twirled in the street around his green dog. She beamed at him as she danced, shaking the tambourine in her hand. Filthy, was the first thought in his mind, but when the song ended and the playing paused, she came right up to him and bowed. Zim liked that.

Yeeesss, you adore the fid-ill as much as the other dirt-monkies do!! he said proudly, flashing her a wicked grin. She flushed, her pale skin gleaming most horribly in the afternoon sun. And that horrible _hair_ that all these humans had. They were all so dis_gust_ing not impressive and gorgeous as even the smallest Irken. But no matter how filthy, Zim was always ready to accept another fawning slave to his amazingness.

Of course, he said to her smugly, not even listening to the words that were babbling out of her mouth. Of course you may accompany me. I may shine a little too brightly for your worm-monkey eyes, but I am sure you will become fulfilled by my GLORY!!! The minstrel leapt from the crate, tucking the fiddle under his arm gently. Come, GIR! he hollered, and headed off down the street. If he was to rule the world and become head of this dark face ravaging the land, he had to have practice with minions

The little green dog continued dancing obliviously. Zim paused to glare at his pet. GIR!! I command you to COME!! He growled as the dog ignored him still.

The blond gypsy girl ran over to scoop GIR up, and immediately fell back into step behind Zim. I've got him, minstrel, she said said shyly.

Zim said, then began looking around him through the crowds. Where had that blasted wizard gone? And that disgustingly large-headed human child? And the most filthy and squirmy of them all, that girl with the flashing device. She was the most horrible to be around but again Zim reminded himself that he had to keep his head among his filthy minions, remember that he was superior to them, and not let their appalling filth get to him too badly. As long as none of them _touched_ him, he should be fine

Where did they go _now_? he growled, catching no sight of any of them. Well, it was no matter, they could find HIM later, right now, he had supplies to buy.

Zim said to the gypsy girl, striding off down the street. She followed him obediently, and the minstrel was delighted with the fact that his fiddle-spell had lasted long enough that she still followed him without protest.

When the group met up again Dib noticed a decided change in the little minstrel. To be quite honest, he was disappointed that the green being had reappeared he was going to do _nothing_ but make things difficult and perhaps endanger all of Fantasyland in the process. The haughty lifting of his head, the arrogant set of his antennae, and that overly exaggerated _march_ not to mention that evil instrument he carried cradled under one arm. At least, the flamboyant red and purple robes were gone, as well as the extravagantly feathered hat. These had been replaced by slightly more travel-worthy wear—a bright red, long-sleeved shirt covered by a dark red tunic, as well as black leather pants and boots. The outfit was completed by the minstrel's gloves—which Dib was sure he never took _off_—and a deep purple cloak fastened around Zim's shoulders. The being also seemed to have picked up a companion a young gypsy girl, staggering along behind the minstrel under the weight of packed supplies.

Dib looked up at Aubri, who was gazing with raised eyebrow as the minstrel marched up.

ZIM is HERE! the green being announced, raising a gloved claw into the air decisively. Aubri looked sharply at him, but Zim took no notice. With a sigh, the wizard—no, experiantialist, Dib reminded himself—moved over to relieve the gypsy of some of her burden.

Oh what a CUTE outfit! JC said, and snapped a picture of the minstrel. He posed obligingly, looking incredibly pleased with himself and the attention.

Thank you, the gypsy said gratefully as Aubri maneuvered half of her load onto his own shoulders. He had already had, it seemed, everything he neded for the journey before Dib had met him. In the end all they had really needed to do besides accentuate their own stocks was buy things for JC. She'd kept those odd pants she called blue jeans', but they'd gotten her a wool tunic to go over the t-shirt', and a cloak. She still wore the strange white shoes.. and in fact, that was one of the reasons why Dib was glad she was on the trip with them. Her shoes almost exactly resembled the ones that had talked to him and told him of his quest that, and he definitely wanted the camera' around.

Who's your friend, Zim? Aubri said patiently.

the minstrel turned around to give the two of them an appraising, superior glare. Dib found himself glaring at the minstrel's turned back.

Oh, THIS, Zim sniffed. This is young KidKourage. She is my human stink-slave. The gypsy looked a bit embarrassed to Dib, although he supposed he didn't blame her. Aubri rolled his eyes, then nodded a greeting to the gypsy.

It's good to have you with us he said, then lowered his voice before continuing. Don't worry about Zim. We'll keep him in line.

She nodded. Call me KidK, she said in a friendly manner, and held out a hand to Aubri. He shook her hand and smiled.

Come along!! the minstrel snapped impatiently. ZIM wishes to rule this world soon!

We can't leave yet, Dib said, annoyed. We still need horses.. a trade caravan to travel with stuff like that. He crossed his arms and looked at the minstrel superiorly in an obvious imitation of the green being's own poses and expressions.

Zim growled. As you WISH, large-headed HUUUUman infant but know that Zim will prevail no matter how long you attempt to put off the world's fate. Dib merely met his gaze defiantly.

It was nearly evening by the time they'd found a trade caravan that was passing through luckily, there _had_ been a horse auction running in the marketplace, and the mysterious well-wishes of a patron had generously supplied them. Dib was wary of mysterious patrons especially ones that bore disturbing resemblances to the camera-wielding foreigner in the group, and wouldn't stop _staring_ at him. However, the patron had been well-enough off although she insisted on seeing them off as the trade party left that night.

Dib shifted around uncomfortably atop the supply packs that were lashed to the back of a mule. They only had one mule due to their incredible versitality as well as their inability to breed, mules were rarer, and more in demand, than horses. A long-maned, fetlocked Iceland pony stood below the mule, and on its saddle was the minstrel, attempting to look as haughty as always although it was obvious he had no idea how to ride a horse. Towering above the pony on the other side was a dark bay, a long-maned, spirited gypsy horse, ridden expertly by KidK. JC was trying to keep her balance on one of those small, high-crested desert-bred horses, smoky whitish with dark grey speckles. Aubri had picked up a stocky old cart horse, a reddish chestnut, that hadn't yet reached the end of its rope.

Torches waved in the encroaching darkness, and shouts, the creak of wheels, and the whirl of ropes echoed throughout the air. The party waited silently, as the trade caravan made ready to leave the city and head east. The caravan's eventual destination was the walled city of Naltan, far off on the east coast of the continent.

Dib looked up quickly, stifling a groan. Their patron was coming.

She held up a lantern, and she was fairly young dressed in a stiff, starchy-looking outfit. Some noble's daughter, or younger sister, or maybe young wife. Dib _hoped_ she wasn't a wife; the scary way she kept smiling at him her hair was long and dark and her face resembled almost exactly JC's except she didn't wear glasses.

I've come to wish you well on your quest! she said as she reached them, holding the lantern up. Dib blinked as some of the flickering rays of light caught him in the eye.

Zim does not need the wishes of any huuuuman, grumbled the minstrel.

Aubri said to him, and received a scowl in return.

Goodbye, Dib, the patron was saying with a beaming smile. She kept leaning close too close for Dib's comfort.

bye.. he managed, as the mule stirred restlessly under his shifting weight.

Move out! came the call from the front of the trade caravan, and wagons and animals started through the gate.

Um.. yeah.. I've gotta go! Dib said, quickly edging the mule away from the patron. She stared after him, looking sad. What was her name again? Er.. and thanks! Rach! he called nervously, and then took off after his party.

What has gotten into your foul, large head? snapped the minstrel as Dib rode up. You need only the FID-ILL! These disgusting stink-beasts that we ride are geh disgusting!! Why did we not walk??

We can't carry ourselves everything _you_ insisted on buying, Aubri called back from ahead.

Zim huffed, and lifted his head, trying again to look like he knew what he was doing although his movements were totally out of sync with his mount's. Dib had grown up on a farm and he could tell and how was this minstrel supposed to be an asset to them anyway? His frustration with his mentor's crypticness grew. Was he going to carry out this entire quest blind? There was not much to do except hold on and wait and maybe ask Aubri some questions later on they had a long way to go.


	2. A Bandit Attack

A/N: Welcome to chapter 2! Same disclaimers apply! I'm going to be trying to make these chapters shorter, with more actual events happening, so I don't fill up 10000 words a chapter with description and nonsense. Tif (CrimsonObsession) and Kat23a appear in this chapter! ^.^

----

Did you expect a trip like this to be _easy_? Dib snapped finally, more than a little bit tired of the minstrel's excessive complaints.

Of course it's easy, Dib-worm!! the minstrel snarled in reply. It is merely traveling in _your_ company that causes my discomfort!

Dib sighed harshly, and turned his gaze forward again. The dust being kicked up along the road by the caravan carts and wagons was formidable, and the group had fallen behind a bit, but not enough to expose themselves to attack. There _were_ bandits along the roads sometimes, Aubri had told them, and JC had been determined to get a picture of a bandit attack. She was ranging ahead on her horse, camera at ready to snap a picture of the bandit hordes should they swarm to attack. There really _had_ to be better things to use that camera for then bandits. I mean, come on! You could be taking pictures of faery rings in moonlit woods, or dragons' lairs, or the ancient stone ruins of lost civilizations.. provided they _found_ any.

Hopefully this weaponsmaster person whoever he was or she was would have information enough about this legendary sword they were supposed to be after. Alls Aubri knew was old poems, and around here those frankly weren't much help.

The sound of Zim's fiddle started up grandly, and was joined by the rhythmic tapping of a tambourine. Together the melodies formed a slow, entrancing song, and Dib, despite his misgivings, eased back on the packs carried by the mule he rode to listen. 

-- 

Of course I understand, Tif said with a sigh, twisting a dagger between her fingers. Her long purple nails tapped against its hilt for a moment, and then she sheathed it in a boot.

The creature that floated before her gazed longingly at the weapon as she put it away, then returned its black gaze to Tif's face. Then I am to make you happy now, it said, in a bit of a pained voice.

Then get on with it. Tif leaned back, crossing one leg over the other on the chair she sat in as she regarded the pink bunny-like creature that floated before her in a kind of haze. It look sad, haggard, and tired, but slowly, it began to dance. The bored scowl lifted slightly from Tif's face, but not enough that the pink bunny knew. It started doing pirouettes in the air, shot lazers and smoke from its paws in interesting colors and patterns, and singing. While Tif watched, an amused smile breaking over her face.

Have a pickle, the bunny concluded, holding a bright orange such vegetable out to her. She took it.

They're on their way then?

Yes. You know all that you have to do.

Thanks. You can go back to your master now.

The pink bunny flew out a window, and Tif took an absent-minded munch of the orange pickle. It sort of tasted like a combination of vinegar, erasers, and silicon. As if anyone even knew what silicon was. Tif took another bite. 

-- 

Night was approaching again. Dib hated nighttime, and yet it intrigued him immensely. Who knew what weird and enigmatic spirits drifted through the darkened woods where no one could see? It gave him the shivers to think about, but it was one of the things his dad had always yelled at him about stop chasing the mist, stop chasing trees, stop chasing weird noises in the dark. There's nothing there. But Dib knew there was more. There was so much more than real farming'. And he'd prove that to his father one of these days maybe not soon, but when he came back from this quest after saving the world, boy would he show everyone!

The trees' branches stretched over the caravan's path, dark and skeleton-like against the darkening sky. Aside from the glow of the torches and the constant loud shuffle of the caravan ahead, it was dead silent, silent enough to hear the wind playing along the branches, whispering to the leaves, holding who knew what on its—

a high-pitched voice behind Dib shrieked.

Dib screamed, as something clamped onto his skull and wouldn't let go. He twisted, trying to wrestle it off, and the whatever it was giggled maniacally. Finally managing to get a purpose on the chillingly cold, furry thing, he tore it from his head and stared at it. It was GIR. The minstrel's stupid green dog.

Dib shouted angrily.

Yes, O lord of the sizable heads? the mocking voice came back from ahead. The minstrel turned in his saddle on the Iceland pony, crimson eyes glowing eerily in the darkness.

Shut up! Dib said, frustrated. Can't you put your dog on a leash or something?? He tossed the little green dog to the ground, and it ran squealing towards a caravan wagon.

The minstrel snickered. YOUR foolish problems are not my concern! GIR obviously does not like you, as well he should not! He is loyal to ZIM! Zim turned around again, lifting his head high to signal that the conversation was done.

Say, Aubri JC's voice floated through the darkness. Do they have batteries here? I mean, now?

I really doubt it, JC.

The patter of hooves picking up pace marked JC's return towards the front of the caravan, but Dib and the others stayed near the back. They'd stop to camp soon, most likely Dib wondered what batteries were. He looked up at the tree branches again, and felt an eerie prickle at the back of his neck. Something wasn't right here

A grunt up ahead and to the side made him freeze, and he sat up rod-straight, staring ahead. That grunt was their only warning.

Howling hordes poured from the trees, swinging battle axes, the flame from the torches and lanterns illuminating rough green-brown skin, long fangs, small glittering eyes, and crude armor. Dib gasped, and his grip tightened on the mule's rope rein. He heard JC screaming ahead, but he also saw her camera flash going off. He heard Aubri yell something, he wasn't sure what, and a moment later, the minstrel galloped past Dib on his pony, eyes wide and glowing.

STINK SLAVE!!! GIR!!! COME TO ZIM!!! he screeched as he stampeded back down the path. The little green dog ran after him, half-laughing, half-screaming. KidK, however, was hesitating next to Aubri. There was a shimmer around the wiza—experientialist, almost like a tangible force. The sword came out from under his robe, flashed in the torch-light, and Aubri leapt agilely from his horse to disembowel one of the orc-like bandits with a flash of his sword.

came Zim's insistent holler from down the road. Still KidK hesitated, reining in her panicked mount, staring agitatedly at Aubri.

Aubri hissed between breaths, twirling around to easily take off another orc's head. She didn't need any more persuasion, and her horse came flying past Dib towards the sound of the minstrel's voice. But what could _Dib_ do? He certainly didn't know how to fight but hey, he was the important object of a prophecy, right? He had to stay safe! Turning the mule around, Dib fled after KidK and Zim.

The sounds of battle ranged on when he reached them. Zim was standing on the saddle of his pony, playing his fiddle madly. It wasn't a hypnotic tune, but rather one that made Dib's pulse race and his blood flow hot. He wanted to be back there, helping Aubri. I would go, he told himself, if I knew how to fight! Instead I'm chickening out here with a stupid bard and a fiddle-tranced gypsy oh and that moronic little green dog

Zim yelled, not ceasing his playing. GET BACK HERE! But the green dog was already racing at top speed back to the battle, screaming something about waffle irons and ta-key-toes'. KidK was watching the battle, eyes wide, perhaps scanning, as Dib was, for any signs of familiar life. They heard bushes crashing as heavy bodies fled into them, and fading screams and grunts. The inert masses of the caravan's wagons remained as they were, one of them on fire from the torches. A lone silhouette of a figure walked to stand next to it, and the fire diminished to glowing coals.

It looked like he was the only survivor. Oh _no_! Dib cried, and kicked the weary mule into a trot back towards the figure. The minstrel and the gypsy came right behind him.

Dib leaped down from the mule, praying that this was his mentor who had lived—

IT'S MEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!! a high-pitched shriek rang in Dib's ears, as a small shape torpedoed itself at his head. Dib did have the presence of mind to duck this time, and the minstrel's dog sailed over his head to land in a mud patch under a wagon.

The figure turned to face them, and Dib saw with relief that it _was_ Aubri. The robed man knelt down and wiped his sword off on the grass, then hid it inside his robe again. He didn't speak, and Dib found himself becoming more and more nervous. Wha.. what happened? he finally managed, weakly.

They took JC, at the very least. Everyone they didn't capture, they killed. Except me.

What!? They dare take the slave of ZIM for their own filthy purpose!? the minstrel's annoyed voice broke in.

We have to find her! Dib said.

Of course we do! KidK put in, still staring wide-eyed at the wreckage around them.

Aubri said calmly. But it'll have to be tonight. There's no way of knowing if they're a wandering band or one that haunts this road.

I bet they haunt it, Dib muttered darkly.

Zim snarled in Dib's direction. You do not have the capacity to go running after BANDITS, fool human child!! You fled like a filthy worm coward when the fighting started!

So did YOU!! Dib snapped back, aghast.

YOU LIIIIIEE!!!!

Zim, be quiet, Aubri said patiently. We have to go after her. He paused, looked around at the carnage of human and animal, and lifted an eyebrow. Without comment, he closed his eyes, and immediately stepped into the woods.

Dib blinked in confusion. Hey, don't you think you ought to do that with your eyes ope—

Move it, Dib-monkey! the minstrel said, reaching over to poke Dib's mule in the shoulder with his fiddle bow as he rode passed, heading after Aubri. Dib glared, but Zim had already turned around, with his head turned upwards haughtily, as usual. KidK shook her head, shot Dib an apologetic glance, and rode after Zim.

I bet she's still under that fiddle-spell, Dib thought with a sigh as he followed them. 

-- 

Back at the site of the massacre, a long figure stepped through the bodies with an expression of mute horror on her face. Her hair was a tangled and messy, and what could be seen of her face in the moonlight was grubby and wild-looking. She wore a badly-fitted breastplate and a pair of scuffed leather leggings over her clothes, and carried a sword belted to her waist. She reached down after a moment, tugging a helmet free from a dead orc. She scrutinized it, then put it on her head. It fell down over her eyes, and fit very loosely, but it would do. She picked up the orc's battle-axe next, sticking her tongue out in concentration at its hefty weight.

When she was finally holding it up somewhat successfully, she faced the road heading back towards the town and grinned maniacally. YOU'LL NEVER CATCH ME NOW! she yelled triumphantly, and spun to tear down the road, laughing as she did so. Unfortunately, her foot caught on the splintered tongue of one of the wagons, sending her sprawling into the ditch.

Little loss! She thought as she picked herself up again, re-maneuvering her weapons as best she could. Everyone got better with practice. Finishing getting herself in order again, she sped off down the direction she had been heading, her now slightly forced laughter echoing through the night.


	3. Rescue From the Bandit Camp

A/N: Another chapter! And I'm linking to some art this time! Figured I better put it up sooner or later so you can all see what the characters look like.. o.o;

http://www.side7.com/cgi-bin/S7SDB/DisplayImg.pl?INO=194390  
The minstrel and the heroic farm boy, our two favorite rivals =P

http://www.side7.com/cgi-bin/S7SDB/DisplayImg.pl?INO=194385  
The lost tourist and the.. *ahem* experiencialist. Who doesn't really have that hat. Yet.

http://www.side7.com/cgi-bin/S7SDB/DisplayImg.pl?INO=168058  
The gypsy girl, KidK, and the evil minstrel!

Okay now that that's over with... oh, and Ivy first appears in this chapter! She belongs to Aliet Faslami! On with chapter 3! ZIP!! WHEEEEE!

---

The orcs had a camp all right, but it looked like a temporary one. Aubri stood uncomfortably close to it, a lot closer than Dib would've stood, even if he'd had the help of JC's camera to steady him. The minstrel was grumbling under his breath at Dib's side, the fiddle still clutched protectively in his arms. KidK stood next to him, her long green skirt blowing in the breeze. Zim jumped everytime it happened to actually touch him, then proceeded to grimace awfully as if he'd been poisoned.

Dib muttered under his breath.

hissed the minstrel, actually remembering to stay quiet.

Dib ignored him, gazing into the camp. The orcs were making plenty of noise of their own, chewing on deer leg bones and yelling and growling at each other. They had a couple of prisoners, all of them tied around the mouth, and by the hands and feet humanoids _and_ horses. Dib couldn't see JC from where he was standing, but Aubri probably could at least, if she was actually _there_.

Those orcs looked big and strong and mean. Dib gulped. How were they supposed to get into the camp and rescue JC all by themselves? There were what four of them!? Dib glanced over at Zim and KidK again. The minstrel was grinning now, as Aubri cast his gaze over towards them from his spot near the camp. Zim straightened, put on a superior expression, handed his fiddle and bow very carefully to KidK, and deftly scaled the tree they were standing by. Dib's eyes widened. The minstrel's ascent was being aided by what looked like long, thin, shiny appendages snaking out from the region of his back and moving quickly from branch to branch. Was that magic?? Or something else?

KidK, too, was watching, holding the fiddle as if it were the most precious treasure in the world. The minstrel paused to glance down at her scrutinizingly, as if making sure she was affording the instrument the treatment it deserved, and continued his silent advance towards the trees over the camp. Dib remembered something he'd heard about minstrels and bards they tended to be just outside the law as it was, with great skills for sneakiness and pick-pocketing. Maybe, then, Zim and Aubri were actually going to do something effective.

Something tingled at the edges of Dib's perception, like a growing condensation of energy coming from Aubri's direction. Yes, they were definitely up to something

Zim paused on an overhanging branch, silver legs bracing him sturdily among the leaves as he gazed downwards into the camp. He sneered. So _stupid_ and hideously filthy These orc-beasts would have no idea what had hit them when ZIM made his move. He paused, and leapt, executing a deft twist in the air to land in the shadow of a stack of loot. His silver legs retracted, and he flattened to the ground, the only giveaway to his presence the blood red glowing of his eyes.

More of that idiotic wizard's energy was building up, even Zim could almost see it, an intensifying aura around the human. Disgusting. Such power belonged to an _Irken_. But, no matter, he would have it soon enough. He already had _two_ willing stink-slaves, more would follow. Humans loved to worship amazing things.

The minstrel snaked along the ground, silver legs appearing again to help him where it was needed. He was approaching the prisoners near the edge of camp now, and here was where it posed a problem. Not only was there no shelter from the orcs' eyes, there were horses, bound and gagged as well as they could be. Idiotic. Tying filthy work-beasts up as if they were actually able to operate a toaster! Zim shook his head in disgust. However, being as _stupid_ and unappreciative of greatness as they were, they tended to balk and stomp around and make horribly dischordous noises if something disturbed them.

LET'S ALL PLAY TAG!!! a resounding shriek spread through out the camp, and the orcs howled battle cries, looking around for its source. A tiny green dog darted into camp, laughing and hollering, managing to avoid the heavy swings of the huge axes wielded by the orcs. Zim's eyes widened. BLAST that GIR! Blast it!

GIR continued its running, reaching in to poke any part of an orc it could get to before darting away again. it squealed gleefully. YOU'RE IT!!! The orcs' roars of rage were substantial, and when GIR ran off into the woods, screaming COME GET MEEEEE!!! a fair-sized portion of the disgusting monsters charged after it. Zim blinked slowly, having not moved from his hiding place.

How ingenius was his dog-slave sometimes! Zim grinned proudly. For all the trouble it caused and the loud mind-wrenching noises it made, GIR was _truly_ advanced. Perfectly suited to ruling the world at the mighty minstrel's side! Zim stood up and haughtily strutted over towards where the prisoners were staring wide-eyed at what had just occurred. As well they should it was a brilliant move of Zim's, amazingly brilliant. They had a right to stare so.

JC's eyes widened in fear, and Zim smirked. She struggled, and Zim posed. She managed to get her bound hands up to point.

Zim turned around curiously, and his eyes nearly popped out of his head. All of the orcs _hadn't_ left! There were two of them heading straight for him. A heavy axe, glinting in the light of the fire, swung into the air, coming fast down towards Zim's head. He leapt, dodging the attack and cutting around to the side. Blast it, where were the _others_? Had they all fled in terror? Or were they just positive that he could take care of it by his amazing self? Well, that was a given. He would defeat these evil monsters! Although, as he desperately dodged their attacks, he wondered somewhere in the back of his mind just how he was going to accomplish this

The concentration of enery increased. Zim's antennae twitched madly, sensing it easily as it moved in a wave towards the orcs.

You filthy disgusting MONKIES!! Zim hollered at them. They were slowing down, pausing, and Zim stood straighter, puffing out his chest. You thought you could best ZIM!? HA!! The entire camp of you vermin could not leave a scratch on my amazing MIGHT!! he crowed. The orcs were looking more and more uncertain, and as the wave of energy pressed down onto them, they turned and fled.

Zim shouted after them. BOW TO ME!!! FLEE BEFORE ZIM'S _POWER_!!

Dib, watching from the trees, felt a tinge of regret that he hadn't helped, a tinge of disgust at the minstrel's display, and many tinges of relief that the operation had been successfully carried out. He ran into the camp, dodging boxes, scattered weapons and food. Had the minstrel really gotten the entire camp emptied with the help of his dog? Were the orcs really _stupid_ enough to believe his boastful self-praise? Dib _hoped_ not, else the idiotic green being would be trying to rule Fantasyland with an army of loyal stupid monsters.

Aubri and KidK moved over towards Zim as well. It wasn't just you, Aubri said to the minstrel. Remember things aren't always under your control you could have easily been killed.

huffed the minstrel, glaring ferociously at Aubri. And what did YOU do!? Sent the orcs after MY POOR HELPLESS GIR!!! What possessed you to do such a thing!? Why did you not send them after the stupid, huge-headed larva? He pointed insistently at Dib.

Dib protested, glaring.

Aubri rolled his eyes, then went over to the prisoners. Besides the three horses, there were four human or humanoid prisoners. JC, a middle-aged woman, a female green being like Zim, and a young man probably a teenager. Aubri systematically freed them all, the two humans thanking him profusely. The female green being mumbled something under her breath, seeming afraid. JC, on the other hand, was much more enthusiastic. She leapt at Aubri with a huge cheerful smile on her face, and glomped him.

Thank you so much! she cried. I thought I was a goner for sure! You rock man!

Dib said in confusion, glancing at one of the stones surrounding the fire.

You're such a cool wizard guy!! JC said, still hugging the life out of Aubri. Zim, watching this spectacle, looked as if he might throw up.

Could you let go? Aubri said to JC stiffly. And I'm not a wizard.

oh sure okay, JC said, a bit downcast. She turned to the minstrel. And YOU! You were amazing! You saved me! Her gratitude was overflowing. Dib stared.

Yes, I am amazing, the minstrel said smugly, folding his arms. Now bow before ZIM!

JC cooed, and dropped to her knees, hugging him tight.

Zim's eyes popped open. SWEET MOTHER OF IRK!! he howled, struggling madly. RELEASE ME AT ONCE!! GRAAAH!! OH DISGUSTING!!! AAAAUUUUUUGH!!

Okay okay, geez, JC said, and let him go. He staggered away from her, writhing in disgust. Why did that stupid minstrel have such an aversion to being _touched_? Humans couldn't possibly be any more filthy than Irkens. Although, Dib was very glad it was the minstrel that was getting hugged by the overenthusiastic JC, and not _him_.

KidK had set the fiddle down on the ground, and Zim stomped over to it as soon as he'd recovered his composure, scooped it up, and checked it over lovingly. He patted it. There, there, fid-ill, the minstrel said, You will be kept safe from the JC-beast of hugging doom!

JC protested.

Ignore him, Aubri said, rolling his eyes.

Dib glanced back over towards the female green being. KidK had joined her and was talking softly to her. She looked really scared, and uncertain, though. But then, she'd probably gotten beaten up a lot more by the orcs since she was so small. Although she was taller than the minstrel was. Dib glanced back at Zim, who was patting his fid-ill and staring moodily into the fire. Why hadn't he noticed her yet? Surely the arrogant green being would be more polite to someone of his own species.

Hey, Zim, Dib said, and the minstrel turned to glare at him. There's another one of uh.. you, over there, you know.

Zim knows this!!! the minstrel flared. It is not important!! She is merely a sniveling, emotional, child!!

She's taller than _you_, Dib said. What do you mean she's a child?

For some reason, this only furthered the minstrel's rage. DO NOT SPEAK TO ZIM IN SUCH A FASHION!!! he screamed, shaking a gloved fist at Dib. ZIM IS MIGHTY!! AND AMAZING!! AND I WILL RULE OVER YOU ALL!! YOU WILL ALL _BOW_!!!!

Dib stared. Yeah.. sure.. whatever, he muttered, backing away. Zim's glare followed him.

He's sad, isn' he, the child murmured, shiny green eyes downcast. She _was_ just a kid, KidK had gathered that much from the way she talked and acted. The poor thing, captured by orcs, who knew what she had been through. The gypsy girl gently patted her arm. The child certainly _looked_ a wreck she was taller than Zim, it was true, but she was definitely younger, a tad thinner, and her antennae had graceful curls at their tips, instead of down-swept kinks. Her eyes, instead of brilliant crimson, were a soft, soothing green. She was wearing a tattered green dress, with black trim. It was actually in the royal style, and probably looked very beautiful before it had become so worn.

KidK pondered the child's question. She wasn't sure who she was referring to, so she just patted her arm again. What's your name? she asked.

said the girl, and looked up, green eyes wide. Thanks.. for.. for savin me an the other ones

Oh sure! You're welcome, of course, KidK said. We couldn't just leave you all here we were coming after someone else who was in our.. um a quest party, I think this is? She was captured, and we followed her, else we probably wouldn't have even known the orcs had other prisoners.

Ivy suddenly hugged the gypsy girl, and, startled by this sudden display, KidK patted her gently on the back. Like the minstrel, she sported a hard, carapace-like hump there. It must be something their race had naturally.

Thank you, Ivy mumbled again, tears forming in her pretty eyes. The orcs.. they's scary..

Aww.. it's alright, KidK felt her entire emotional resolve softening irrevocably to this little Irken girl, and she hugged her gently, trying to reassure her.

Enough, enough!! the minstrel said, marching up to them. Enough of this frivolousness!! Come with Zim, stink-beast KidK!! We are leaving! The stinking _wizard_ says there are traces of some the minstrel sneered. _black magic_. At any rate, he informs us that we cannot stay here, and while he is QUITE stupid and filthy, I, the amazing Zim, have decided that it would be best to—

Are you going to be okay? KidK said quietly to Ivy, turning her attention from the still-chattering minstrel.

The child nodded, then looked up at her again. Can I go with you? she said. I dun want to stay here by myself

Yes, I think you can, KidK replied, and got to her feet, smiling at Ivy and holding a hand out to her.

—the fid-ill of ZIM is quite enough entertainment for your puny stink minds as it is, I do not see why the DIB had to bring his sketchbooks' and I am going to insist he leave such filthy, pointless items in a MUD HOLE where they belong!! And as for that JC-stink's camera—

Ivy said to KidK, extreme gratitude evident in her eyes. She couldn't have been more than well five or so, at least, it must have been awful for her being a prisoner of orcs. But what had Zim said about black magic? Or rather, what had Aubri said? Orcs didn't use magic. Something else was going on here

—a wizard, no matter what he might _say_, filthy interfering stinking _huuuuu_man that sent the orcs after _my_ GIR!! As well, that large-headed DIB larva cannot possibly be of ANY use to this mission, and I will destroy him at my _earliest_ convenience. KidK!! Are you listening to ZIM!? the minstrel glared at her.

Yes, I'm listening, she said. Zim, Ivy here is just a kid she's scared, and alone I think she should come with us.

You are not in a position to make demands!!! snarled Zim, placing his fiddle under his chin immediately and setting the bow on the strings. Ivy's gaze immediately went to the instrument as Zim started to play.

Aubri stepped up next to Zim, and the slow, entangling threads of music somehow dissipated abruptly. No time for that now, Aubri said shortly to the minstrel. We have to_ leave_.

Zim glared mightily at him, but took the fiddle down from playing position. We are NOT bringing this child-female with us!!

Aubri looked at Ivy. She gazed up at him, and something passed between them. KidK squeezed Ivy's hand reassuringly.

Yes we are, Aubri said to Zim. Now come on. JC, grab one of those horses. The young man went over to them himself, untied its feet and muzzle, and leapt onto its back.

Dib called from the other end of the clearing, where he'd been digging through some bags. You lost all your supplies in the fight!! Shouldn't we get some more??

No time, Aubri said again. Zim, KidK, JC we've got to move out. It's not safe to be here.

What about GIR!?! demanded Zim. Do not think you can just leave my dog-slave behind!!!

He'll find his way back, Aubri said, and digging his heels into the horse's flanks, took off through the trees back towards the road. KidK glanced down at Ivy again she was light, and small, she could ride with KidK.

Come on, KidK said to the girl with a smile, and led her out of the camp, through the trees. Dib, with a disgusted glance at the minstrel, who was standing there fuming, followed them. It took him a moment or two, but Zim followed as well, KidK noticed, and smiled to herself. He might be arrogant and demanding, but he was a _master_ on that fiddle, and just because someone wasn't the nicest person in the world, didn't mean they didn't deserve a friend. Had Ivy been referring to the minstrel when she said he's sad'? It was something gypsies knew about companionship was very important, and Zim probably hadn't had any his entire life.

---


	4. Faulty Assistance

A/N: Whee! Next chapter done! I'll try to do these faster. Anyway... Dave, Tabby, Red, and Purple make appearances in this chapter, as does Tif. YAY!

---

Black magic? Dib said nervously. That's _bad_, right? Orcs don't use magic, do they? This means there's something _else_ out there, doesn't it? Like that dark force I'm supposed to stop!

I think we should send a message back west to the palace, Aubri said, as they were searching through the broken and scattered wagons for replacement supplies. That dress that Ivy's wearing looks like it's in the royal style. They might be missing her.

Do you think she's a princess or something? Dib said, moving aside a broken piece of cart wheel.

No way to tell, Aubri replied.

Dib glanced over at the girl. She was sitting on KidK's horse, and KidK was saying something to Zim as she was re-tying her supplies to the animal. The minstrel was glaring but didn't seem to be saying much back. Dib couldn't hear them from this distance.

We don't have anyone to _send_ though, do we? Dib asked Aubri. I mean, we kind of need the whole group, don't we? Wait, we could send Zim why don't we send Zim?

We need him just as much, Aubri said calmly. He has skills we can use, and powerful magic.

Dib muttered under his breath, and crouched down to peer underneath a heavy wagon that had remained more or less intact. He _really_ wanted that annoying being gone. On second thought, he sure didn't want to be searching around a battle site for supplies

Oh, gross, Dib moaned, covering his mouth with one hand. Another corpse.

That one's alive, Aubri said without looking over.

Dib stared at the motionless figure half under the wheels. It was a man, fairly large in build, with a crusting of dried blood along his temple. He doesn't _look_ alive hello? Dib poked the guy in the head, and was stunned when he moaned and actually started to move. He looked up groggily, and blinked at Dib.

Hi, are you the messiah? the man said.

Dib stared.

Aubri said, coming over and looking the man over. You can walk need help out of there?

No, I'm good, the man said dazedly, and slowly crawled out. He looked like he'd just been unconscious probably a blessing for him. He straightened up as soon as he was out and brushed himself off. Aubri watched. The man stuck a hand out towards him. Hello, I am Dave. It's nice to meet you, wizard-guy.

Aubri stared at his hand for a moment. I'm not a wizard, he said, lifting an eyebrow as he looked up at Dave, who Dib noticed was a few inches taller than him.

Dave said. I am. I specialize in rainclouds and fire trucks.

What's a fire truck? said Dib, confused.

I'm not sure. But it's probably yummy, Dave said. He raised his hands and wiggled his fingers, making a cart several feet away blow up into splinters. Aubri's head snapped around to observe this, then looked back at Dave, the hint of a glare in his gaze. Zim, KidK, and Ivy turned to stare at the exploded cart, wide-eyed.

So.. um how can I help you nice folks? Dave said. Aubri closed his eyes, as if in strained patience, then opened them again.

Do you know where the palace is? he asked.

Oh, sure, Dave said. Who doesn't?

Can you take a message there?

I guess so, said Dave thoughtfully. Will the kings pay me?

Okay. What's the message?

You see her? Aubri pointed over towards Ivy.

Dave turned around. Hey, she's cute.

Not the gypsy, Aubri said, patience visibly strained now. The green child.

Oh. Yeah, I see her.

We have reason to believe that she's from the royal court. If she's missing, they're probably looking for her. Inform them we might need imperial assistance along the East Road. We'll be staying on it for some time. Okay?

Dave said. Is that it?

Yes. How soon can you leave?

Right now. Dave waved to Dib, and started off down the road the way they'd come, turning to smile at KidK as he passed.

Who was _that_? the gypsy said, looking disturbed.

Some filthy _huuuuu_man, Zim said darkly. _filthy_. He shuddered. He will face much DOOM for what he has done!! The minstrel shook his fist after the man's back and growled.

---

A message from who? a whispered voice said in the alleyway of a street.

Some wizard traveling to fulfill a prophecy, another voice answered.

The messenger didn't make it to the palace, did he.

Was the message delivered?

It was mentioned. There are more and more bandit hordes accumulating around here. They're getting people like this all the time.

They're not under the guild's surveillance.

Which means we have to find a way to stop them.

Can the message be sent through to the palace?

I don't think it needs to be. Let the kings occupy themselves as they will. We'll assign a spy to monitor them.

That's a lowly job.

We have a few lowlies in the guild. We usually have someone in the palace in times of crisis.

Is this really a crisis?

Yes. There's something dark in the land, and they say it has the potential to destroy this world.

Assign Tabby to it.

Consider it done.

The two dark figures nodded to each other, and went their separate ways from the alley.

---

the frustrated wail carried through the luxurious hallways, reaching the tall, gangly Irken who was draped over an elaborate throne in a far-too-large audience room with an extremely tall ceiling. Red robes in the royal style adorned the tall, thin figure, and a jeweled, decorated crown was perched haphazardly on his hairless green head.

Red said to himself in reply, and obliviously munched a nacho. It was only Purple, his co-ruler, who fretted too much. Yeah, way too much. So they'd lost the heir to their throne she'd come back. She was going to be tall someday. Really tall. Tall enough to make the entire _world_ bow, not just this kingdom. Yeah, that was his little Vee.

Purple appeared in the doorway now, his arms full of records and maps. He was dressed in royal robes as well, only they were in shades of purple instead of glorious, glorious red. He too had a crown.. he didn't deserve a crown. I really _need_ some help going over these! I can't even find out who _kidnapped_ her!! It must've been done through magic, and maybe a couple of hired hands in just the right place—

Pur, chill out, would you? Red said, munching another nacho. The good cheese just got imported! I'm.. I'm _eating_ here.

How can you be worried about your stupid cheese when Ivy is missing!? Purple was nearly hysterical.

Hey, you! Courtier-drone Ted! Red pointed at an approaching scribe, who looked up in startlement. Yeah, he was human, but he'd do. Humans were more numerous than Irkens, even though Irkens were _better_. But that was just more people to order around to Red. It was all good. Go help Purple, Red demanded, pointing at his distraught co-ruler.

I will, my Tallest, the scribe said quickly. I have first a message to deliver to you

From a secret admirer, no doubt, Red said, adjusting his crown and looking haughty.

Actually, my Tallest I believe you are right?

Red stared.

Her name is Tabatha she is an Avitor and wishes royal appointment as a concubine. The scribe gestured, and an attractive young lady stepped out of the hall into the audience room. The sheer size of it positively _dwarfed_ her. She was wearing a barely knee-length red dress, with a leather belt, a gold collar and no sleeves. At least it was red, Red noted approvingly. Her arms were loosely wrapped in leather straps, and she wore knee-high leather boots. But most intriguing were her large, feathered wings ranging through the colors of fire to brilliant, beautiful red, tipped at the primaries with dark purple. She had tailfeathers too, along the same pattern.

Yeah sure, Red said as he absently munched another handful of nachos. Royal appointment. She can stay.

I can't believe you're entertaining _concubines_ when our heir could possibly be _hurt_ or _dying_! yelped Purple.

Go with scribey, Pur Red said dismissively. He pointed to Tabby. 

---

The darkness was spreading. Anyone could see that. Such terrible darkness it was, too and he was going to stop it. Mike slammed down a large tome on his desk.

he said decisively to the furry little animal next to him, which looked up curiously. I don't know what was running through these mapmakers' heads but we're going to find the source of this evil and stop it! The little creature, something called a koala (it was distinctly magical) blinked up at him, and a dash of bright-colored sparkles sprinkled up into the air from it.

How? Well, by finding the source and using our special magic powers, of course, Mike said. It's a noble quest and you can help me! Sparkles scare demons, you know! He picked the koala up, and another dusting of sparkles fell to the floor, disappearing almost immediately.

Mike carried the koala through his house, pausing only briefly to get his staff—adorned with many colored ribbons and a large blue stone at its tip that matched the one on his forehead. Another complex spray of sparkles coursed from the animal.

Yes, I know there's a prophecy about that Mike said thoughtfully. But we'll find out what it is later. No evil can stand in the way of Mike-the-Awesome! Mike struck a dramatic pose, although no obligatory flashes of light or sparkles lit up, much to his disappointment. The little koala in his arms looked up at him sympathetically.

---

Do you think that.. um.. Dave wizard guy made it to the Palace? Dib asked, nudging his mule to a faster pace to keep up with Aubri's quickly trotting mount.

Aubri replied. But I doubt it. It was only worth a try

What are we going to do about Ivy, then? Dib persisted. I mean, we can't take a _kid_ on a quest to save the world, can we!?

Aubri looked at him appraisingly. You're only 11.

She's _younger _than that!

A member of the mighty Irken race is adept at everything from the moment of birth!! insisted Zim, riding behind them. Although no child _or_ adult can match the amazingness of ZIM. And they are certainly _all_ superior to a large-headed human WORM like yourself.

Dib growled. He was _really_ sick of this minstrel traveling with him all day had been wearing his patience very thin. And there was nothing he could _do _about him.. he was just _there_! Getting in the way! Being obnoxious!

Aubri do we _have_ to keep him WITH us? Dib said hotly, looking up at his mentor. He's going to give us away to the Dark Lord! No one's supposed to know about our quest they could have spies everywhere!!

Aubri gave him a look.

Um.. Dib, wouldn't that mean it'd be a good idea not to talk about it? KidK said from behind, riding beside Zim. Ivy, in front of her on the saddle, nodded, wide-eyed.

Yeah, Dib said, grimacing. The minstrel snickered.

There it is, Aubri said, stopping Dib from snapping back at the green being. He turned his horse off the road to a small house. There was a garden, and a large open shed that looked like it housed smithing equipment. A long silence followed Aubri glanced at Dib, who looked back up at him, then at JC, who was snapping pictures of the house. He sighed and swung off his horse.

He saw the blade coming before it ever reached his throat. It was something about the vibrations of an action having its start on higher levels than the physical. The echo of the blade was there on a mental and spiritual level before it was even close to Aubri's actual throat. He moved swiftly to avoid it, even as the steel blade followed him a few inches behind. It scared everyone else half to death, though.

yelled Dib, and half-fell, half-jumped off of his mule, only to stop and stare up at JC, who was taking a picture of the incident. KidK's eyes were wide open, and Zim, seeing this, immediately started yelling about adverse treatment of his stink-slaves'.

Aubri took a moment to look at his assailant. She was a young woman, dressed in black. A soft hide sleeveless tunic and leggings, a leather cape, and boots with steel accents all over them. Her hair was cut short, brown with purple streaks in the front. She was holding the sword up to where Aubri had been, and looked mildly surprised. The sword had a black blade, and was slightly curved evidently a rarity. Perhaps it came from those weird places out east. But the presence of such a weapon drew an idea in Aubri's mind who this was.

he said, smiling a bit cynically. Dib shot a glance at him, confused, and the minstrel finally fell silent as well, watching. Aubri winced as another flash of light from JC's camera blinded him momentarily.

the young woman said, and stood up, sheathing her sword. How did you know I was going to do that? Are you a wizard, or something?

I'm not a wizard, Aubri said with a sigh.

He's an experiencialist, Dib said matter-of-factly, glaring up at the leather-clad woman.

Tif looked at him. Who are _you_? And what's wrong with your head?

I'm _Dib_, and I'm on a quest to save the world! And there's nothing wrong with my head!!

Save the world, huh? Tif rolled her eyes. There's an impossibility. I assume you're heading for the..—she put her fingers up in air quotes—'dark force'. Not much chance of that. Anyway who are you people and what do you want from me?

Aubri said, quirking an eyebrow at her. You're a weaponsmaster, or I assume so, considering the rare quality of that sword you have. What we're searching for is a sword, although we're not sure of its name

The one in the songs? she said, folding her arms and looking at him without expression.

They don't _give_ it a name. Although I've heard legends from many different sources in that case the sword you're looking for is an ornate weapon, barrocco' you could almost call it. I'm not sure exactly what it looks like, but it's colored with green and orange most likely set with emeralds or something like that. You know the continent to the north, don't you? Where all the odd groups of magic users live? It's said that the sword resides there somewhere, although there's a system of old runes that

Her quick speech blurred in Dib's ears, after a few moments, though he could tell Aubri was listening intently. Why was this Tif' so eager to help them when she'd tried to run Aubri through the neck with her sword a few moments ago? She didn't even know who they were or where they'd come from she couldn't've _known_ they were coming could she have?

Behind him, Zim sneered. This foolish _huuuu_man thinks she has important information!? ZIM knows all! Away from her, you disgusting wizard! We have WORK to do! He glared haughtily.

Tif's explanation to Aubri paused, and she turned a cold glare on Zim. He returned it, although after a moment Dib noticed him start fidgeting. Aubri also turned a light glare on the minstrel, and Zim muttered under his breath angrily.

At any rate, Tif said sweetly, turning to Aubri with a smile that was incredibly cold. It's a dangerous road, as I'm sure you've found out. You'll probably need assistance on your way to the next town, by the look of your rag-tag little bunch here

We can do fine on our own, Dib said, crossing his arms confidently.

Aubri was studying Tif intently. There was something in his expression that Dib couldn't quite read, and he wondered if the wizar—experiancialist was as mistrustful of the weaponsmaster as he himself was.

Hey, you know, guys JC spoke up nervously. She's pretty good with a sword and all that, I mean, we could use someone like that, I mean, in case we get attacked again

You certainly could, Tif said dryly.

the minstrel yelped. We have no need of such _inferior_ protection! Do you think we are smeets!?

Well, _you_ certainly are, Tif said, smiling.

I AM NOT A SMEET!! Zim ranted.

Scaredy smeet! giggled GIR, popping up behind Zim's saddle and startling his horse.

GIR!! BE SILENT!!! Zim glared heftily.

GIR said, ignoring its master. Leaping down to the ground, it ran over to Tif's boots and starting poking them. Lookit them shiiiiiiine! Tif's unnerving smile remained across her face as she looked down at the dog.

Who's this? she said, her voice expressionless.

The minstrel's dog, Aubri said.

GIR SERVES ZIM!!! the minstrel hollered. DO NOT CORRUPT MY ROBOT SLAVE!!

What's a robot? Dib said, looking up at the minstrel. Is that some stupid plan of yours to rule the world?

Eh.. er.. um NO!!

Tif said, pushing the dog away from her with a boot. We should get going. She spun around and walked swiftly back into the house. Aubri watched her go, that curious expression still on his face.

Why is she going with us? Dib demanded.

She's kind of creepy.. agreed KidK.

SHE IS A FOOL!! insisted Zim.

She's not going with us, Aubri said, swinging up on his horse. Come on. He kicked his mount in the flanks, and it took off down the road, its hooves kicking up dirt.

Dib stared, then quickly climbed back up onto the mule and headed after the others. JC lagged behind a bit, her camera at ready. Aubri had managed to get maybe twenty feet away when a dark shape sailed over the fence at the back of the house. A flash of light illuminated the figure for a bare moment.

Oh, that was _great_! JC said. I don't remember what my shutter speed is, I hope it comes out She headed after the group thoughtfully.

Aubri reined his horse in as the figure pulled up alongside of him.

Leaving so soon? Tif said, astride a massive black horse. That unnerving smile still graced her face. Aubri stared at her. Without a word, he started moving again, back rigid, his gaze straight ahead. Dib watched him. There was something wrong, definitely else, it _would_ be a good idea to take on a trained weaponsmaster. Bandits were a lot thicker than they had been because of this dark force


	5. Evil Plots and Insanity Afoot

A/N: Hello again! This chapter heralds the appearance of Tak (belonging to Jhonen), Jaime and Tweek (belonging to Jaime) and Kat23a once more.. and I believe she belongs to herself. Also, much thanks to Aubri and Kat for the insanity inspiration from a long time ago.. (I'm glad I save all those RPG logs ¬.¬) Anyway, on with the story!

---

Yeah, it's pretty easy to handle, and it has good weight and balance try it. Tif handed the black sword to KidK. The gypsy took it by the handle carefully.

I don't like weapons a whole lot, she said, testing out the sword's handle. It just was never something my family encouraged.

gypsies, Tif said, taking the sword back. An artsy lot.

Yes. Utterly filthy, the minstrel said, marching up to them. Now listen to ZIIIIM! He whipped out his fiddle and placed it under his chin, his pose imperious. Tif gazed at him for a long moment, then leaned down and poked him hard in the midsection.

Everyone looked up at the resounding squeak that echoed from the impact. Zim's expression looked halfway between intense horror and utter rage. YOU DARE TO SQUEEK MY AMAZINGNESS!? he ranted, and set the bow to the fiddle-strings, beginning to play madly and very fast. Within a moment, he had KidK and JC's glazed stares on him, although Tif turned away in disgust, and a confident grin spread across his face. Yes, he was in control.

Dib looked up from the campfire, fighting off the hypnotic waves of music. He found that the more he fought it, the easier it became, and it didn't cloud his mind very much at all anymore. He munched thoughtfully on a hard piece of waybread, watching as the minstrel started strutting around in a circle, yelling for KidK and JC to follow him. Both did, KidK dancing, and JC snapping pictures.

What's up with that little bard, anyway? Tif said, sitting down at the fire next to Dib. For once, she wasn't wearing that odd smile.

He's insane, Dib said grumpily, poking at the fire with a stick. He's going to expose our _whole_ quest, and he wants to rule the world _himself_! I don't know _why_ Aubri wants him around.

Wizards know best, Tif said. The smile was back. Dib shivered slightly, and took another bite of his waybread.

I'm not a wizard, Aubri put in, sitting down on Dib's other side. And as for Zim, he's useful in his way. There is no endeavour of this sort without risk, and although he might increase that risk, he might also add substantially to the chance of completing it successfully.

Dib poked at the fire again. He's just so _annoying_.

Stop flashing your idiotic HUUUUman lights at ZIM!! Zim's voice carried over to them from a short distance away. Dance like the stink-slave you are before the might of ZIIIIM's fid-ill!

Aw, but you're just such a _postcard_! JC said. A moment of silence ensued, quickly followed by hideous screams from the minstrel. Dib sighed. She was probably hugging the stupid green being again.

Dib started to take another bite of his waybread, when it was snatched suddenly from his hand. he quickly pivoted in a sitting position to face his assailant, only to see the little green dog munching happily. Oh go away Dib gave the dog a shove and turned back to the fire, glaring into it moodily. If he hated that minstrel more than anything, his dog came awful close to the same level

GIR trotted over to Tif and latched itself onto her boot again. I loves you, shinies it cooed quietly, and giggled. The weaponsmaster stared.

Excuse him, Aubri said with a sigh.

No need, she said with a smile, and pushed the little dog off of her boot. Watch the goods there, boy.

GIR giggled louder. I'ma PANCAKE! it squeeked happily, then took off into the encroaching darkness, towards the screams of its master.

Charming little beast Tif said absently.

---

It was only a small village along the road and while that had its disadvantages, it was suitable. The worst part was that it was a human village. They were prone to _staring_ at anything new, and an Irken passing through their wretched little parish was definitely something to be stared at. But they were decent folk, honest, unassuming, and hard-working. Just the kind to leave her alone about her business.

Tak paused in the darkening shadows of the largest building in the vicinity; something called the Soggy Waffle Inn. Her dark clothing kept her more or less unnoticeable, although there was nothing she could really do about the glow of her deep purple eyes. Or those of her assistant'—a small, deep blue cat curled around her ankles, its red eyes casting back and forth through the darkness.

Leaning up against the wall, Tak watched the few remaining humans go about their business. Many of them glanced in her direction nervously, but none were inclined to pay her more attention than that. And a good thing, too. She had to lay over here for a few days, at least until the laughable little quest group' showed up. It was her duty to stop them, and preferably Tak smiled coldly, her gloved fingers running against the handle of the dagger in her boot.

Her master willed it to be so, and so she would carry it out. There was no question of skill. Tak knew she was good the only thing was, the co-rulers of the kingdom did not. Where they would not recognize her skill, the Dark Lord did, and she was ready to prove it as many times as he deemed necessary. Although she doubted it would take much of her talent to take down this particular opposition. After all, she had a well-trained weaponsmaster as the main lead-in. But Tak was determined to save one individual of the group for her wrath alone. A haughty, insolent, over-scheming _minstrel_. He wanted to overthrow her master? She would show him just how an extension of such a force of evil worked another cold smile spread across her face, and she reached down to lightly pat the head of the cat which sat rigidly at her side.

---

IT IS TIME TO WAKE UP, DIB-BEAST!!! the boisterous voice nearly in his ear wrenched Dib from sleep, a scream jumping from his throat as he sat up lightning-quick, looking around wildly. His vision finally focused on Zim, standing arrogantly a couple of feet away.

The look on your pathetic Dibbish FACE!! snickered the minstrel. He turned away, whipping his fiddle up to his chin. And now! Follow Zim! He started playing, a delighted grin plastered across his face.

Oh, shut _up_ groaned Dib, pulling his blanket over his head.

Cut it out, he heard Tif say, and he peeked out just in time to see her jab the minstrel in the side. He couldn't help snickering, himself, at the squeak that echoed from the little green being.

STOP THAT!! Zim ranted. OR I SHALL SIC MY DOG-SLAVE ON YOUR PATHETIC HUMAN FILTH-SELF!!

It's still early, Aubri said, stepping past Zim to finishing tying his supplies to his horse. It might be a good idea to _not yell_.

Yeah, what he said. Dib pulled himself up and got to work rolling up his bedthings. He worked as quickly as he could—even he was aware that he'd overslept. He turned around to grab the rope to fasten his things, only to be met with a pair of wide eyes at very close range.

It's a snaaaaaaaaaaake whispered the minstrel's little dog, moving its face closer to Dib's.

Dib fell backwards from the little creature. You stupid little green thing!! Despite his anger at the dog's foolishness, he still found himself glancing around for snakes.

Lighten up, said Tif, and she stepped over, picking up GIR and the rope. She tossed the rope roughly to Dib. Have a snake. Her boots hit the dirt loudly as she walked off towards her own mount. At least she was taking the dog Dib sighed, and taking the rope, resumed packing.

---

But I'm _sure_ it's not a cat. It's only _pretending_ to be a cat! the little dragon said insistently, his nose aimed at the faint footprints around the Soggy Waffle Inn. His tail lashed through the dust, his concentration intent.

Tweek, even if it's not a cat Jaime smiled slightly to herself. I'm sure it's not important now come on it's the waffle special today, this is why you dragged me out of the house so early remember?

Tweek's head snapped up, his eyes aglow. He leapt from the ground, flaring his wings to give himself lift enough to perch on the healer's shoulder, his claws dugging into the loose cloth of her robe. She patted his neck with one hand absently. He was very young, not much over a hundred years old a veritable infant among dragons. But he had his wise points, and he was a wonderfully interesting companion. Jaime stepped into the Soggy Waffle Inn, only to be accosted immediately by the cheery owner.

Hel-_lo! the very short, blond woman said to Jaime. We don't get your kind around these parts much do have a seat, and that cute little dragon, too. She fixed Tweek with a beaming smile, which he eagerly returned, though his sharp eyes roved beyond her for signs of food._

sure, Jaime said. She went over to a table and slid into a chair, and Tweek launched from her shoulder to the chair opposite.

said the dragon, his eyes hungrily fixed on the plates of waffles that other customers were eating. How are things in the kingdom these days?

Why are you asking _me? Jaime said. I know as much as you do._

Lots of dark things around Tweek said thoughtfully. Like her. He swiftly pointed a claw towards the other end of the room. Jaime cocked an eyebrow at him, but turned to look. He was pointing to one of those green beings, relatively short, with glowing purple eyes in the shadows. Jaime felt a tingle across her spine even seeing the being from the corner of her eyes.

she said, turning back to Tweek, but by that time, their waffles had been served, and Tweek forgot everything else in his syrupy heaven.

---

Please stop complaining, Aubri said with a sigh for what seemed like the millionth time. Dib would say the same thing _himself, but likely in less kind words. So he kept quiet, sitting up on the mule's pack and using his telescope to scan the horizon for any more encroaching evil bandits or demons. There were less trees here, but there will still an amount enough of them to hamper a clear view._

BE SILENT!! Zim snapped back at Aubri, and pulled his pony's head up by the reins. Zim does what ZIM wishes!! His mount snorted, laying back its ears. The minstrel didn't seem to notice, instead kicking the pony until it started doing an approximation of Zim's own high-stepped march. Although, the effect was lost somewhat by its severely irritated expression.

KidK said, watching this from above on her own horse. Why don't you um play your fiddle? Ivy, sitting behind her, grabbed ahold of her arm nervously.

Don't do dat the child mumbled.

Hm? Don't do what, sweety? KidK looked at Ivy in perplexion.

The fiddle she said, a little more bravely. It's scary.. an'..

You do not wish the fiddle of ZIM, smeet!? The minstrel challenged, glaring up at the child. She shrank back.

I DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!! howled the minstrel's dog. It waved its small black arms energetically from its perch on top of Tif's head. The weaponsmaster rode calmly, and quite unemotionally, her back straight and her gaze the same. But Dib thought he saw the beginnings of a smile at the little dog's antics.

Of course YOU do, GIR!! snapped Zim, and huffily picked up his fiddle. And all the rest of you disgusting stink filth stupid beast monkies do AS WELL!! He began playing.

_Stop it, said Aubri again._

Don't make him stop, whined JC. Oh! Oh wait.. let me She snapped a picture of the minstrel's high-stepping pony.

Can I see that? Dib said curiously from JC's other side. He set his telescope down and leaned closer to her from the mule.

My camera? But but

Come on! I just want to you know see how it works.

But I showed you! See? she snapped a picture of Dib.

he yelped as the bright flash hit his eyes. Cut it out!!

But now you're immortalized!

he said tightly, recovering his grace and balance on the mule's pack. I'll be immortalized _anyway, once I SAVE THE WORLD!_

You will do no such thing, Dib-larva! the minstrel called, and played louder.

Aubri sighed harshly, and kicked his horse into a trot, pulling ahead of the group. Before anyone could say another word, a loud yell cut through the air, and everyone's gaze snapped sharply to its source.

STOP RIGHT THERE!! the voice rang out, and Aubri's horse froze in mid-step. Dib stood up on his mule's pack to get a better look. There was a ragtag warrior standing in front of Aubri, holding a sword under one arm and hefting an orc battle axe with both hands. She was wearing various pieces of worn armor, that clashed terribly, and an orc's helmet that was too big for her.

The axe pointed waveringly at Aubri up on his horse. SHOW ME PROOF YOU ARE NOT WORKING FOR THE SPAAAAAM!!! the warrior hollered.

Aubri stared down at her, lifting one eyebrow. A moment of silence passed.

Yes, the _spam_, the warrior finally said, visibly straining to keep the heavy axe trained on him.

We're not working for the spam, Aubri said. Another moment of silence then he said, You look like a bunny with no ears! Dib stared. Zim stared. JC stared. Ivy stared. KidK stared. Tif stared. The strange warrior did not waste time staring.

You look like a walrus with no teeth! she countered.

You look like a cat with no whiskers, he replied.

A book with no spine!

A crab with no feet.

A car with no ripped upholstery!

A mushroom with no rust.

A cereal with no frosting!

A banana with no salt!

A ROOM WITH NO MOOSE!!

A skeleton with no bones! called JC helpfully.

A cheese without salsa! Aubri responded.

A sandbox with no dead leaves! said the warrior. Her eyes were wild. A chew toy with no ranch dressing! A football with no paperclips!! A slinky with no knots!! A MUFFIN WITH NO GARGANTUAN HEAD TO CRASH INTO!!

Right here! called JC, pointing to Dib.

Dib said. Come on, JC! This.. um.. person.. is crazy!! Can't you see that!? There IS no muffin!!

Yeah I know JC said dejectedly. I miss muffins

How can you miss those terrible thi—wait, what _is_ a muffin, exactly?

It's like a cupcake with no sugar.

A figgin with no raisins.

A WORLD CONQUEST WITH NO DOOM!! the minstrel put in.

An elephant with no jelly! called the warrior.

Okay okay!! Dib said, waving his arms as if to ward off the incoming suggestions. I don't care what a muffin is! Can we just go?? He turned to look back at Aubri, frustrated.

Aubri was grinning. Dib didn't think he could remember ever seeing his mentor really _smile_ but Dib looked back down at the warrior, whose axe was wobbling badly in her grip.

What's your name? Aubri asked her.

she said simply, and finally let the axe drop with a loud thump to the road. Dib glanced nervously at the group behind him. Tif was rolling her eyes, GIR was smiling giddily perched on her head, KidK was watching and hiding a laugh, Ivy was going the same, and Zim was sitting with his arms crossed, pouting.

Where are you headed, Kat? Aubri asked.

Potatoes do not field these questions! she yelled suddenly, and started trying to drag the axe back up into an upright position with little success. I see your moose, and I RAISE you two badgers!!

There was silence for a moment. Then Aubri spoke up again. I see your two badgers, and I raise you an orca, and two cloves!

Kat gasped sharply and struggled harder with the axe. CLOVES!! My only natural enemy! But little do you know I am secretly S'MORE GIRL!! Created in a girl scout campout gone HORRIBLY WROOOONG!!! I THROW SQUOOSY GOO AT YOU!!! Dropping the axe, she started doing a weird sideways dance.

JC said thoughtfully. 

Oh man.. Dib groaned, and buried his face in his hands.

What is this!? WHAT!?! huffed the minstrel. THIS IS MADNESS!

Eat my dorsal fin, vile land-worm! Aubri was calling.

Kat laughed evilly. YES!! FEEL my wrath, oh ye of little hair bows!

was Aubri's reply. FEEL THE WRATH OF MY TEN-TON BOWS!! I smother thee with the lambs of acrobat! JUICE!

HAH! You foolish, spray with juice, when all Ubekistanian weasels KNOW that only VITAMIN-D FORTIFIED MILK HOLDS THE KEY TO GALACTIC CONQUEST! I believe that kazoo is half a note flat. YOUR ROBE DOESN'T MATCH YOUR HAT!! Gimme gummi bears.

YOU ASPIRE TO KILL MY GUMDROP! Sack of weasel milk, filled with the creamy seeds of Jericho! TASTE MY GUMMI WRATH!!!

Kat paused then, her eyes watering. Your ferret truly touched my innermost colon, she said, sniffling. Ah feel for ya, bruddah. GO NOW! Take your bedsheets of woe and sweaty feet to the laundromat of happiness! GUMMI SAVERS!

Tif turned to Dib, looking extremely incredulous. What in the nine hells _is_ this? Some kind of bizarre wizard lingo?

I have no idea stammered Dib.

I AM NOOOT A WIIZAAARRD! came a hollered reply.

AND NEITHER AM IIIIIIIIII! came another.

Dib groaned and covered his ears as the fast-paced bantering continued. 

snapped the minstrel.

Play that.. your.. play your fiddle.

Heh? Why? I mean.. OF COURSE!! The minstrel launched into an energetic song, and the group breathed a collective sigh of relief at having something else to focus their hearing on. There was probably not much they could do, except wait this out.

---


	6. Alliances Turning

---

so um Dib said haltingly, staring straight ahead between his mule's ears. He thought somehow if perhaps he didn't _look_ at his mentor, that weird green glow in his eyes would go. why are you just letting everyone join our group who shows up? Dib glared at the mule's left ear. I mean come on! The prophecy was talking about me after all, how many other people do we _need_?

Or how many are needed, Aubri replied. This is something I was led to perhaps it has bearing on me, perhaps not.

Dib shifted his glare to the mule's right ear. Even his mentor's voice sounded weird. Deeper, somewhat, a little more resonant. Dib gave him a quick glance, just enough to ascertain that the green was still there.

Why are your eyes glowing? he asked, gazing back at the mule's ears as if they held the secret to the meaning of life.

chimed in JC, pulling up next to them. It's like in that weird movie _Ghoulies_!

No, it's not, Aubri said with a sigh.

Dib said, confused.

Kat called from the ground. Who _is_ this Dark Lord, anyway?

do his eyes glow like that? asked JC curiously.

They say he was once a god, Aubri said thoughtfully. He created worlds but there are beings that rival his power, and they warp his worlds. For we fools who have made what is His imperfect, he quoted absently, there will be nothing but doom rained down upon our pathetic, doomed, heads

cackled the minstrel from behind them. There shall be DOOM!

For you, too, snapped Dib.

I THINK NOT, DIB-BEAST!

Ivy, still riding behind KidK, shivered. We'r not bad.. just cuz we changed KidK put an arm around her and gave her a comforting squeeze.

Change!? What!? ZIM has been his amazing self since the dawn of TIME! the minstrel huffed.

Time is only an illusion, Aubri said.

I _still_ think that this Dark Lord is working for the spam, mumbled Kat.

He could be, JC said. I didn't know there was spam here

said Kat matter-of-factly, is _everywhere_.

JC said uncertainly.

---

the cry came from out in the overly ornate halls somewhere, sounding decidedly panicked. Tabby remained where she was on the pile of over-stuffed pillows, her fingers clutching possessively at the leather straps that covered her arms.

The king beside her sat up with a groan. _You_ go answer him! he grumbled, propping a couple more pillows up behind himself and adjusting his crown. I'm comfortable. Obediantly, and with some relief, Tabby slid off the pillows and got to her feet, hurrying to the door. It was that she _minded_ her job okay, she did mind it. It was creepy as hell. But it was either that or be kicked out of the guild and being out of the guild meant that she wasn't allowed to thieve. Besides, she thought, glancing back at the king who had an arm leisurely draped over a pillow pile, he wasn't all that bad it was almost cute the way he—

Red snapped, cocking a crimson eye at her. Aren't you going to answer him?

He's _your_ co-ruler, Tabby mumbled softly, but she opened the door and stepped into the hall, folding her wings close to her sides. she called uncertainly.

came the yell again. the distraught, overly thin Irken rushed into view, only to see who it was. Oh, Tabby, he said nervously, shifting the stack of scrolls under his arm.

she said.

Do you know what is up with Red these days!? He's not helping me look for our own heir! She's _lost_! She could be DEAD! She could have a TUMOR! She could be _almost_ dead!!

Er, well, I'm sure she's fine.. Tabby began, staring.

And he doesn't even care!!! I can't believe him sometimes!! Do you know what's happened to him!?

Maybe he's sacrificing her for a path to a higher consciousness? Tabby felt distinctly unhelpful.

Purple stared at her, blinking. What? Red? No no I don't think so. He shifted nervously, then blinked at her again. you have wings! Maybe you could fly out and look for her? his voice held a tinge of hope.

I wish I could, she said. But I have duties here, you see Tabby grimaced.

Oh. Oh yeah that's right I wish he _would_ stop.. oh well I guess.. um.. thanks anyway, for your help. Shaking his head and mumbling worriedly to himself, Purple went off down the hall again.

Tabby sighed, her wings dropping. It hardly befitted a Phoenix Avitor to be in this position was it _her_ fault that she didn't have any _legal_ skills or trade? She had to stay in the guild to survive, unfortunately, or she definitely wouldn't be here.

Red hollered from the other room. Are you done yet!? I need you to bring me food!! I'm HUNGRY!!

Gods, his mood changed fast with a sigh, Tabby pushed the door open and stepped back into the room.

---

How far away is this town? Dib said to Tif, trying to gaze past her with his telescope. He could almost see the ocean from here, or he would be able to, if there weren't so many hills and trees in the way and of course, if the minstrel's little dog weren't leaning as far as it could to get within his viewglass.

How far away do you think it could possibly be? Tif said. Look, the road's wider, we've even seen a traveler or two.

I guess so—would you quit that, you stupid little dog!! Dib said, frustrated, as the little dog leaned into his telescope and opened its disgusting jaws really, really, wide.

Awwww, I get a squirrel to hug your head!! it shrieked.

Don't worry about his gigantic head, GIR, Tif said in a halfway condescending tone. She plucked GIR off of her head, gave Dib a wide smile, and reined her horse back to continue near the back of the group. Dib tensed slightly, watching her out of the corner of his eye. He really didn't trust her although she seemed to like the minstrel's dog, he was sure she didn't mean any good to the quest maybe she was just here for a thrill he hoped so. He wished Aubri had managed to leave her behind.

So, why DO your eyes glow like that? Kat said from ahead, looking up at Aubri on his horse.

Do they glow? Aubri said, sounding mildly puzzled.

Well, not _now_ Kat said, seeming confused. But, they were—SWEET HALF-COUSIN OF A SCRAMBLED SILICON BEATER!! IT'S _HIM_!!!! Letting out a piercing shriek, Kat took off at an angle from the road, crashing through the bushes, her feet pounding against the ground.

Everyone halted, turning to look. Standing there in the road, with an eyebrow raised almost to his forehead, was a small, extremely ugly child, with mis-sized eyes, small horns, an upturned nose, and a mohawk. He glanced back and forth between the group that stared at him, then lifted his chin and folded his arms.

I don't know what she's talking about, he said. I certainly am _not_ the son of Satan.

Aubri said, looking disgusted.

Does Satan live here too? asked JC. Ohhh, can I get his picture?

Who's Satan? Dib whispered to Aubri.

Of course he doesn't live here, the ugly child said. I mean, really, as _if_ the prince of darkness wasn't allowed to go on _vacations_?

Dib said, sitting up straight on the mule's pack. Are you in league with the Dark Lord!?

No. But neither are _we_ imperfect, snickered the demon-child, and without another word he marched on down the road.

said the minstrel. Foreign filth!! Like that filthy stink slave of ZIM's, JC!! They must be SUBJUGATED!! He yanked on his pony's reins, turning the animal, and picked up his fiddle.

Aubri said. Leave him alone.

DO NOT ORDER ZIM AROUND!!!

Aubri glanced at him, then dug his heels into his mount's flanks, sending it into a gallop down the street. Startled, Dib kicked his mule until it followed, the one by the one, the rest of the party did the same, without comment.

HEY!! HEY! DO NOT LEAVE ZIM BEHIND!! the minstrel ranted, forcing his own horse at speed in pursuit. If you are to leave someone behind, leave behind the DIB!!!

Somewhere up ahead, the weaponsmaster laughed merrily, accompanied by the high-pitched giggles of the minstrel's green dog.

---

Kat paused running only when she tripped over some upraised roots and sprawled fast first into a mess of wet leaves. She lay there for a moment, contemplating the smell of said wet leaves, before pushing herself up with her hands and examing herself for damage.

Whew, that was a close one she said. Almost comparable to the galactic space battle that little bird told me about. Kat got to her feet. Her prized orc battle-axe was gone but her sword was still at her belt. That was good, at least. Maybe sometime, she would find that nice insane robed guy again, and get her axe back but not until the spam-wielding demon children were gone. Not until then. It just wasn't safe.

Hey! Hey miss! Are you okay!? a voice called out, and the crashing of underbrush heralded the approach of—ANOTHER EVIL MINION!? Kat yanked her sword from her belt, prepared to die in glorious, heroic battle for the sake of overdue milk, and tap-dancing cheese doodles. Therefore, she was very surprised to see a dash of sparkles scattered before her and a small, grey, furry creature with big soft ears trot out of the bushes preceding the crashing.

Kat cooed delightedly, the sword falling from her grip as she scooped the little animal up into her arms. Whose a cutesy WIDDLE fuzzy squooshy koalaaaaaa!! At times like this, she seemed to always feel her brain melting out her ears but, it was so CUTE!

A moment later, the source of the crashing came well, crashing out of the bushes himself. It was a young man, with mussed blond hair, and dressed in the _oddest_ costume of fancy blouse, teal tailcoat, very short blue pants, tall yellow boots and and that HAT!! It had a FEATHER!!

Miss? Are you—oh dear, the apparition stated, his gaze falling on the fuzzy koala in Kat's arms. Now, Blinky, you know better than to cuddle strangers like that!!

COOTSY WOOSTY GOOOO!! squealed Kat, her eyes very large, very round, and very glazed. The koala smiled and threw a fountain of sparkles.

Um.. er.. oh! I can fix this, the young man said, and carefully pried the koala from Kat's grasp. He promptly hid it behind his back. 

As the fuzzy thing faded from her perception, Kat's eyes gradually returned to normal, and she blinked, looking around. she said. An invisible spot of air! Her gaze landed on Mike. Oh, hello.

he said. Are you alright? Has the evil done terrible things to you? Can I avenge you!? He held that pleading look in his eyes that spoke of wanting to be a hero, wanting to vanquish evil, wanting to SAVE THE WORLD—

Well, no, not really, Kat said, blinking.

But if you want, you can come with me and we shall search out many purple-furred corn fiends.

He gasped. What are those?? Are they some kind of evil monster? They work for the Dark Lord, don't they?

Kat said mysteriously, and very seriously. They work for the _spam_.

He returned her gaze with equal seriousness, and a dusting of sprinkles scattered the ground behind him as the koala moved in his hands. I see. I do. Let us be off then!!

---


	7. Assasin and Betrayal

The little village, when they reached it as late as they did, was lit only by torches along the dirt streets. There were a few figures moving around, but they were settling in for the night, and they cast many nervous glances at the group that stood just beyond the western edge of the village.

Something was wrong here. Very wrong. Aubri gazed fixedly at one of the torches, absorbing the faint traces of energy that crackled from it. Everything around them was connected with such energy, and when you opened your mind to it, you could see it feel how the strands interwove with each other, what tugged on them, which ones swirled dangerously, which ones flowed peacefully. And there was something negative here tonight. Something was waiting for them.

He turned his gaze to Tif. The weaponsmaster was gazing darkly into the night, her black cloak pulled over her shoulders. The minstrel's little dog was in her arms, and she stroked its ears tenderly. It was hugging her around the neck with a big, idiotic smile on its adorable face. Aubri glanced back at Zim. The minstrel was pouting, and the gypsy girl was talking to him probably trying to calm him down.

Something was still wrong here. But Aubri couldn't _see_ anything, his senses dulled by the necessity of form. He wished for the millionth time that Tif hadn't come along with them. Even the over-exuberant Dib could tell there was something wrong with her. But still, the way she petted the little dog

Tweek, I _don't_ think there's going to be trouble just because you ate half of the waffle stacks. People really don't mind that much. Jaime undressed throughtfully, getting into her nightrobe.

But they had the rare stuff the fruit, the little dragon whined nervously. They import that from like Phaena! Way across the sea!

Oh, don't worry.. she replied, a touch of amusement in her voice, before crawling into bed and pulling the blankets up to her chin. Small towns like this, when they were full of friendly people, were a good place to live if bad for business. Healing had never been much of a business _anyway_, more of a service, but Tweek had a lovely charm of his own. If only it wasn't so lonely here. The dragon was a good companion, but there was someone Jaime remembered someone from a long time ago. He'd died, but she knew, somehow, that he hadn't _stayed_ dead. Maybe someday wow, it would be really nice if there _weren't_ trouble tonight Jaime's eyes fluttered closed and she drifted off to sleep, not noticing the warm ball of dragon that curled up on top of her knees.

Tif knew where the assassin was hiding. It was her job to know. The dark, exciting pulse that reverberated through her mind told her to take the group right there, bring them to Tak, and then her job would be over she would see Filler again. She would feast on orange pickles. A dreamy smile came to her face as she remembered the rewards her master doled out. But it faded after another moment, as she looked at the soft green animal nestled in her arms. It had fallen asleep, its little pink tongue hanging out. Its small black feet kicked adorably, and it hugged its arms around her tighter.

Emotions were something a weaponsmaster learned to do without. But it felt so good to have such a trusting little being at her side, who she knew loved her it loved _everyone_, so surely she would not be an exception. Tif glanced over at the dog's master, who was sitting on his pony with his arms crossed and a pouty expression on his face. She felt an uncontrollable urge to poke him, and stifled a giggle that rose up from some part of her she didn't remember existing. What had _happened_ to her? Let Tak get the big-headed kid no, it was funny to watch him argue with the minstrel. She could kill the wizard no, even a trained assassin probably couldn't pull _that_ off. The annoying foreign girl with the camera'? That might be alright. The gypsy no not Ivy, either. Tif had never been able to condone killing children.

She looked back at the shadows, and jumped. A pair of glowing purple eyes were staring back at her from behind the corner of the house. Tak wasn't supposed to be here. But here she was and her eyes burned into Tif's, reading more there than Tif wanted them to. And then the eyes disappeared. Unconsciously, the weaponsmaster tightened her grip on the little dog. She should warn them she knew the assassin was going to strike she wasn't supposed to strike _now_ or _here_ but Tif chewed on her lip in indecision. Her master would punish her if she didn't carry through with this withhold the happiness

Dib thought that Aubri must've been the only one to see the attack coming, but even he wasn't quick enough. None of them were. A dark, sleek shape shot from the shadows on long, thing silver appendages like the minstrel's, and, incidentally, landed right _on_ said Irken, knocking him off of his pony. All of them saw the glint of a long dagger as it sped towards the minstrel's unprotected throat. Dib had thought he would never hear such _hollering_. Ivy screamed, and so did the gypsy, but the latter didn't waste time staring.

Ohmygosh!! Oh man!! JC yelped, and she thrust her camera into Dib's hands and leaped to the ground. GO she called, jumping up and down must unhelpfully. Dib looked the camera over, his attention half taken in by his sudden possession of the object. Aiming it towards the scuffle, he took a couple of pictures.

KidK was already over next to them. She'd uprooted one of the long torches and was using it to try and get the purple-eyed shape off of the minstrel. As it was, the dagger missed Zim's throat, but it cut into his shoulder, and managed to drag down into his chest before the Irken on top of him, illuminated in the lamplight, was forced off by the flaming torch.

Tif leapt from her horse, drawing her sword, but she didn't do anything. What are you _doing_!? Dib wanted to scream at her. She was a trained _weaponsmaster_, she could probably take out this assassin in one blow!! The Dark Lord had obviously sent her but there would be time to prove that _later_. Dib snapped another picture.

Odd-colored blood spilled the ground, dripped from the assassin's dagger. Dib could see her clearer now; she was a green being with long antennae, like Zim, only the antennae were curled at the tips and her eyes were a violent purple. She snarled, turning to face Tif, but their gazes only locked for a moment before the silver legs slid out again and the assassin lunged for KidK.

DO NOT HAR— the minstrel started from the ground, but he choked in the middle of yelling, splattering more blood over the dirt road.

KidK stumbled, trying to knock the smaller being aside with the torch, but she had no training in the art of battle, and the assassin swept the torch aside, bearing the dagger down towards the gypsy's throat. Where was _Aubri_ in all this, Dib wondered, snapping another picture.

YOU'RE THE COOLEST WIZARD!! GO!!! JC was yelling, and Dib looked over to see Aubri involved in a battle with a small, lightning-fast animal with glowing red eyes. Aubri was, somehow, moving just as fast as the cat-like creature was, blocking its every attack with his sword, moving from its path. The air around him was shimmering again he was probably working another spell or something, but Dib couldn't tell what it was. He snapped a picture anyway.

Tif was staring at the minstrel, who had gone limp and unconscious on the ground by now, his strangely-colored blood soaking his clothes and seeping into the ground. The little green dog was now on her head, and it was screaming and clinging to her. She shifted her gaze to the assassin, then suddenly brought her sword around, sweeping with deadly speed towards the assassin's flank. A pair of silver legs came up to block it, and she managed to divert the blow, although it took the legs with it at the joint. The assassin hissed, her eyes going wide, and she whipped the dagger away from KidK to orient on Tif. She wasn't fast enough, however and in another swift double-slash the weaponsmaster had sliced her through the torso, and she crumpled to the ground in a heap.

The cat-like creature turned to see this, and without a sound, it leapt away from its battle-dance with Aubri, and sped off into the night. Aubri paused, himself, staring after it, then turned his gaze slowly towards the sudden still after the assassin had fallen. His eyes were glowing again. Dib took another picture. JC, standing stupefied, finally seemed to notice that Dib had her camera.

hey! she said, walked over, and snatched it from him.

Dib would've said something in protest, but he was interrupted by a frightened sobbing from the little Irken child still seated on KidK's horse. He fidgeted, trying to control the queasiness in his gut as he looked down at the minstrel. KidK was kneeling next to him, and tears shone on her face, as well. Zim's eyes were closed, his clothing in bloody tatters, and his breath gurgled. JC, holding her camera, stared in mute horror. The minstrel's dog was sobbing and clinging to Tif's boot. The weaponsmaster slowly wiped her sword's blade on the grass near one of the buildings and sheathed it, then picked up the little dog gently. Aubri was watching her, his eyes still glowing fiercely.

she said guardedly, comforting the unhappy little dog.

You knew she was here, he said simply.

Tif didn't say anything, petting the little dog's ears.

Aubri didn't seem to have anything more to say, and he turned to KidK, resting a hand on her shoulder. She had her head bowed over the minstrel, one hand on his antennae and the other hovering over his chest and shoulder, as if she wanted to do something to help him. She was shaking. The weaponsmaster's gaze fell to her for a brief moment, when she suddenly pivoted and strode off into the village. She headed straight for a house near the edge of the square, and setting the little dog loose to climb onto her head again, she pounded roughly on the door.

waffl—huh!?

Jaime jumped awake, startled, as a whip-like scaley tail hit her in the face and Tweek's claws dug into her side as he shifted around to stand up on the bed, looking towards the door. His wings were spread out, and his head cocked.

I told you there'd be trouble! he yelped. They hate it when I eat all the waffles!! Jaime groaned, rubbed the sleep from her eyes, and pushed the little dragon off the bed. She stumbled onto the floor, wrapped a blanket around her shoulders, and made her way over to the door.

She had barely undone the latch when a leather clad hand and arm slammed it open, catching her off-guard and nearly bowling her over.

Jaime yelped. Be _careful_— She paused, staring curiously at the little green dog-like thing that was perched on her visitor's head. The woman herself would've been imposing if not for that. Still, it was a cute little thing. Jaime smiled at it.

You. Healer, the woman said. We need your services _now_. She looked like she meant business; she wouldn't take no for an answer.

sure, Jaime said.

What happened!? squeaked Tweek from the bed. The woman at the door stared for a moment at the small dragon, and the green creature on her head shrieked with delight seeing it. Tweek's reaction to the dog, however, was not so enthusiastic. ALIEN PUPPY! he squealed, his soft furryness changing quickly to armor, spikes and scales. That always scared people it was just something that happened in accordance with the little dragon's mood. Tweek was now hopping madly around on the bed.

Okay, okay, I'll be right there, Jaime said, and turned from the door to look for a warmer cloak. But the woman at the door reached over, caught her arm in a white-knuckled grip, and dragged her from the house.

The minstrel was in a bad spot by the time Tif returned. Aubri had kept him going, Dib assumed, by a hand over his forehead, and that ripple of the atmosphere that always seemed to echo any magic he did. The weaponsmaster strode back into view, dragging by the arm a young woman with long red hair, dressed only in a white nightrobe. Seeing them, Aubri stepped back to stand next to Dib.

Here he is, Tif said curtly, dropping the woman's arm when they reached the little minstrel. She turned away immediately, going over to her horse. Dib gulped nervously. Who was _this_? Somebody to get rid of the annoying being, Dib hoped vehemently. He hadn't died yet, but if no one did anything, he would soon. He heard Ivy's muffled sobbing behind him. KidK had gone back to comfort her Dib didn't hear _her_ crying. He was sure she had more sense than that.

The new arrival looked at the minstrel for a moment, before kneeling down next to him and laying a hand on his forehead. She hovered her other hand over his chest, her brow furrowing in concentration. She had _better_ not be healing him, Dib thought, and shifted uncomfortably. Was Aubri _still_ on the kick that this stupid little bard would actually be _useful_?

hey what's she doing? JC said, coming up between Dib and Aubri.

Healing him, Aubri said calmly, his eyes never leaving the healer and the minstrel.

Dib gritted his teeth hard and turned away. That minstrel had been bad news from the beginning, and now they wanted to _save_ him? How the heck was he going to be of any possible use?? He was an arrogant, obnoxious, stupid artist who wanted to rule the world and had an addiction to _controlling_ things!! He was better _off_ dead! Or at least, _they'd_ all be better off with him dead

Lights flashed painfully behind the minstrel's eyes as the sharp, throbbing ache in his torso sprang up in intensity, then ebbed gradually. It was like a warm liquid flow, spreading through his body. His first thought was that some foul member of the group had tossed water on him, but there was no burning. Gradually, the lights in his eyes faded, and he opened them, attempting to clear his muddy vision.

The first thing that greeted his eyes were a pair of filthy stink-humans. He grimaced, but was still too stiff to leap away as he wanted to do. But did they have to lean in so _close_? Ugh! One was his stink-slave JC, the other was a female human he'd never seen before. He tried to sit up and push them away, and winced at the ache that sparked in his wounds. He saw dried blood staining his clothes and the ground around him, and felt a stab of fear run through him. Then it all came back. The attack, the purple-eyed horror knocking him off of his horse and wrestling a weapon with him until she managed to just about gut him. It quailed him, though he would never admit it, how he had come so close to dying. Well, no matter, his AMAZING skills of healing had saved him from the vile creatures trying to bring him down.

Zim felt quite a bit better now, and he sat up fully to glare at that ugly JC-creature. Bring me my FID-ILL, huuuuman! he snapped. If the instrument was hurt

no I don't think so, she said. You'll try and control my mind again. Oh, smile! She snapped a picture in Zim's face.

STOP THAT! he howled, before breaking into a sputtering cough. He did so much for his stink-slaves serenaded them with fid-ill music, protected them from evil monsters so that they could serve him and this was the _thanks_ they offered! Insolent, dis_gus_ting beasts! They were worthless! Utterly pathetic and useless! He ought to doom them right now!

Here you go, a voice said with a sigh, and the gypsy stepped up behind him, setting his fid-ill in his lap. He dodged forward to avoid her skirts she was too close for comfort. They ALL were.

Back! Away from the mighty ZIM! he snapped, struggling to his feet a bit painfully, holding the instrument close to his chest. The new person obligingly got out of the way, as did KidK. Only JC leaned closer, grinning scarily, her eyes alight.

he snapped at her, backing up.

You know, you'd _think_ someone who'd just had their life saved would be a little more _appreciative_, a disgusted voice said from behind him. Zim whirled around, glaring. It was Dib, standing next to the pack mule, returning the glare intently. Stupid bard, the filth-child grumbled.

YOU!! You dare to insult the intelligence of the mighty and amazing and MAY I SAY VERY.. eh.. INTELLIGENT, ZIIIIIIIM!? The minstrel raised a fist threateningly. You, who are nothing but a loathsome monkey-beast, and a _larva_ at that! IT IS YOU WHO ARE STUPID!

Not now, the vile wizard said from somewhere behind Zim, startling him. Dib, we can't stay here


	8. Darkness Unfolding

No, it's not safe to go back there, Tif said, leaping astride her horse. She gazed pensively off down the dark road. It'll be swarming with demons by now you only left just in time. She winced, as if in pain, still not looking at any of them.

What do you suggest? Aubri asked calmly. Dib couldn't _believe_ he was _trusting_ her! She had betrayed them!

Find the sword Tif continued. I told you all I know, just head north. Get a boat the other continent is where you need to be. Head to Atsel. It's a walled city due west along this road get there there should be a port near there somewhere. Her voice was clipped and strained. She dug her boots into the flanks of her horse, but as the animal started to move, the minstrel's little green dog rushed squealing over to the weaponsmaster, leapt, and clung to her boot.

DON'T LEAVE ME SHINY-LADY!!!! sobbed GIR. Tif jumped, and stared down at the little dog. Dib thought he could almost see tears shining in her eyes, but he wasn't sure. The weaponsmaster looked away quickly, shook the dog off of her boot gently, and kicked her horse into a gallop. As the hoofbeats receded, there was no sound except for the lonely cries of the green dog.

Oh, don't be sad it's alright, it's alright! KidK slid down from her horse and went over to the little dog, scooping it up and hugging it close.

Zim called from where he was re-securing his belongings to his pony. Leave the minion of ZIM alone!! For once, the gypsy ignored him, and gently set the little dog into Ivy's arms. The Irken child hugged it, tears streaming down her own face. That was one odd thing about her, Dib thought. Anytime anybody was upset, that kid started bawling. He didn't get it with a sigh, he climbed up on the pack mule. The weaponsmaster was right about _one_ thing, anyway. They couldn't stay in one place without being overrun by the forces of darkness.

Aubri reached for the reins of his horse, then turned abruptly to the healer, Jaime, who still stood there in her nightrobe. Thank you, he said, nodding his head to her.

Oh, sure! she said, looking a bit dazed. Aubri swung up onto his horse, nodded to her again, and then the group took off once more at a sharp trot down the road. Jaime blinked, watching them go, smiled to herself, shook her head, and went back home to see how a certain young dragon had fared throughout the excitement.

--

No, she could see he hadn't always been like this. Tabby's hands flew over the sheets of paper, unrolled scrolls, stacked books, threw pens aside these two had never exactly been _nice_ rulers, but Red had never been so viciously cruel and vindictive as he was being now. There was something else behind this, she was sure. Her flame-colored wings mantled slightly, the feathers ruffling, as she heard a noise down the hall. She was only ostensibly helping Purple to look for clues as to the wherabouts of his missing heir and only because Red was napping soundly. She'd thought her job was concubine a title that made her shudder, but she was nothing like that, not really. When she'd applied, she hadn't known that Red had been lacking a brain to the point where he didn't know what a concubine actually _was_. Heck, all he did was make her bring him nachos, pillows, and keep him entertained by telling him bloody stories.

Nevertheless, she found his carefree nature appealing, and she was worried that his cruelty of late to his kingdom was not who he really was. It couldn't be. It just _couldn't_. Especially since these records indicated he hadn't been that way in the past. At least not as much.

Tabby paused, moved her lantern closer to a fairly new scroll as she unrolled it. It was some philosopher's take on how the king had been corrupted by power in the past few months. It made no sense to Tabby, but she didn't think it was power corruption not really. It was some outside force. It had to be. Not many had noticed the ominous aura of darkness that had clouded the castle lately, but Tabby was trained as a thief, however inadequate they might think her, and she knew such things she picked the lantern up with a sigh. She'd been here too long Red never napped more than a couple of hours and she needed to get back to her attentive' services. Concubine, my foot. Shaking her head, Tabby strode out and shut the door carefully behind her.

--

Gone was the leisurely pace they'd been taking, the idle conversation amidst the drear of travel. The horses hit a steady, somewhat jarring pace, tense and strained, their hooves striking the dirt road loudly. It was enough to make Dib's head pound, as he did his best to keep his balance on the pack of the mule he rode. He was getting awful sore from the pace. Oh well the _minstrel_ was faring no better. Dib suffered a glare in Zim's direction. The stupid being sure didn't know how to sit comfortably on a trotting horse glancing beyond him, Dib noticed the little Irken child Ivy, he thought he recalled that being her name was faring no better. Were these beings just not used to riding? It was pretty likely, considering they seemed to get around on those odd silver legs that they kept hidden under that pod thing on their backs

Dib called up to Aubri, who almost seemed to be floating with the horse—Dib was at a loss to how he managed to do _everything_ like that. Aubri's head snapped around, and Dib noticed his eyes were glowing again. What was up with that, anyway?? It was really unsettling. How long until we stop for the night?? Dib persisted.

Sorry, Dib Aubri said distantly, turning back to the road ahead. We can't stop.

Dib grimaced. It had to be the middle of the morning at least, and besides being sore, Dib was feeling the fatigue. Why not? he called again, trying to keep the whine from his voice.

Look behind you

Dib turned around to squint down the dark road. There wasn't anything there. He didn't know what Aubri was so worried abou—something flashed in his vision, and Dib's eyes widened. He still couldn't see anything, couldn't hear anything.. but the darkness roiled and swelled to both sides of the road behind them, enveloping their tracks and snaking tendrils of its sinister void after the horses' pounding hooves. It was cold and it pressed ever forward. But still—Dib tried to rationalize—there was nothing _there_ a chill shuddered through him and he looked ahead again, starting to poke his mule. Go faster he muttered. Flattening its long ears, the animal obliged only slightly.

--

There was nothing more she could do. Spurring her horse on with sharp jabs of her boots into its flanks, Tif leaned low over its shoulders, gripping the reins tightly. The night seemed darker than it had been, shadows growing and creeping along and around the road. And still she plunged onwards, to where it seemed even darker, more evil she felt it tinge at her mind, felt a sense of disapproval. She'd failed her master. She knew that. She would almost start to wish she'd carried through but then the image of that little dog would appear in her mind, its big adoring eyes gazing up at her, its little black paws wrapping around her boots as it gazed in mute awe at the shinies'. Tif drew an arm across her cheeks fiercely, wiping away the streaks of tears. She didn't want to serve this Dark Lord anymore. But neither was there anything she could do.

Hey!! There's one now!! she heard a voice shout, and in another moment she was blinded by a very unexpected spray of colorful sparkles. She screamed, half in challenge and half in surprise, yanking her horse's reins up and pulling it to a halt. The sparkles cleared, and Tif looked around, peering through the palpable darkness for her assailant.

a horrified female voice said. That is not a giant Mecha Cheese Doodle!! See!? A figure strode up near Tif, dressed in a hideous motley array of ill-fitting armor. She lacks the Fake Cheddar Powder Cannons

the first voice called. I just thought well I mean, _look_ at her! She's dressed all in black, she's riding _back_ towards the growing.. _infestation_.. how do you know she's not evil!?

DO YOU SEE CHEDDAR CANNONS OR NOT!?! the motley warrior cried imperiously, brandishing a sword in the direction of the first voice. Tif stared for a long moment, then nabbed her chance at the distraction, and quickly rode off down the road, shaking her head in bewilderment. Honestly, the characters that populated Fantasyland these days maybe it was a _good_ thing the Dark Lord was aiming to destroy the entire place no, don't think like that, Tif reminded herself with a spark of pain. There is some good to this place even if He doesn't see it


	9. Arrival and Escape at Atsel

Hail! And who goes there?? the voice rang out through the fog of early morning, jolting Dib from his mists of sleep. He groaned, caught himself from falling off the mule, and stared groggily upwards. He was so exhausted he couldn't see straight, what from riding all _night_ and not being allowed to stop

A party after a quest, Aubri was saying. A long silence followed. We're traveling. We need a place to stay, he added afterwards.

'S a bit early to stop down, isn't it?

Come _on_, Dib heard JC say. We've been riding all night, Mister Sentry person!! Can you please let us in?? We have plichinko machines

What, now _she's_ talking wizard lingo'..? Dib rubbed his temples.

said Aubri.

Be that a weapon of some kind, may God so help you, the sentry called. This city's safe enough when the danger is beyond the walls.

It's not a weapon!! JC yelled. It's a really fun little game with all kinds of blinking colors and lights and—oh I guess we don't have any, do we

said Aubri.

The sudden screech and clank of gates being unbarred and swung open made Dib sit straight up. Here was safety, a place to _sleep_ finally. Dib urged his mule after the others as they rode through the gate, not wasting a moment before sliding off of it only to be nearly thrown from his feet by the stiffness and soreness of his legs from the prolonged ride. Hands took the reins from him, and someone very gentle and comfortable picked the boy up carefully. He managed to identify the gypsy girl by the color of her blouse and the blond hair that spilled over her shoulders before he lost consciousness entirely.

---

It was more like a prison than a city. At least, that's how it seemed to Ivy. They'd been given a couple of rooms in an inn near the east wall, and when the little Irken girl gazed out the window, all she could see was the rough, unyielding stone. She knew bad things were coming she knew they wouldn't be safe here for very long. She knew, as well, that the people here were bad.. maybe not overall, but bad for them her curled antennae twitched slightly, and she turned away from the window towards the door.

The undersized minstrel stalked in through the door, muttering and grumbling to himself as he yanked his purple cloak off and threw it on a bed, climbing up after it and proceeding to dig through the saddlebags he'd left there. That _foolish_, despicable _wizard_ he snarled under his breath. Just because ZIM is too amazing to need as much filthy food garbage, he is forced to carry group _essentials_!!

Ivy stared, trying to hold her breath and keep quiet. The brazen little Irken, despite being shorter than her (he was very tall for her age), made her nervous with his constant bold, arrogant statements. His antennae twitched and he looked up suddenly, burning red glare meeting Ivy's frightened, green-eyed gaze. But he didn't say anything, perhaps because of her height, finished yanking a bundle of cord from his saddlebag, and stalked back out into the hall, slamming the door after him. Ivy shivered. Her gaze fell to the bed, where the open saddlebag lay carelessly next to the thrown cloak. The minstrel's fiddle was there, pillowed lovingly and carefully away from the ruckus of the rest of his belongings. She stepped over to the bed, her gaze on it. She could almost feel the echoes of power that vibrated in the now-still strings. How such a simple construction could have the power to fog her friends' minds like it did Ivy did not understand. She reached a gloved hand for the fiddle slowly, gingerly but paused a few inches away from it and backed away quickly, shivering. He did bad things with the instrument. Very very bad things making it so people couldn't think for themselves distraught, Ivy fled from the room.

---

Night had barely fallen when Dib finally awakened, jolting up to a sitting position. A candle burned steadily at the edge of his vision, but the room was otherwise dark. Feeling around the blankets, Dib's hands closed on his pack, and he breathed a sigh of relief. There was evil afoot, he knew, something tangible in the darkness that surrounded him. It was deathly silent, and Dib shouldered his pack without thinking, acting on some instinct perhaps sliding off of the bed, he made his way to the door. A hand paused, however, in the act of reaching for the doorknob.

Frantic voices echoed through the halls, jabbering faster and louder, though he couldn't make out the words. Was something wrong? Something told him not to go out there, but another glance around the desolately empty room he'd been in stiffened his resolve, and he shoved the door open and stepped into the hall. It was as dark as the room had been, not even lit by candles, though a few wildly flickering glows from around corners spoke of torches. Where was Aubri? And KidK? Where was that minstrel? Dib headed off down the corridor, trying not to run as he kept to the center of the hall. Even the walls looked forbidding now, and dark alcoves in the form of doors would appear in them, yawning mightily and seeming to reach out for the nervously searching boy.

he called tremulously, as he rounded a corner towards a torchlight.

a voice said, and the torch was uplifted, illuminating a rough, haggard face not Aubri's. Not anyone Dib knew.

Dib said, confused.

You're looking for that vile wizard, and his friends, are you, boy? Well so God help you, you'll share their fate for bringing this curse down upon Atsel! The torch swept forward menacingly as the figure strode towards him.

Hey wait!! No! I'm just—OW! Cut it out! Dib yelped, and strong hands grabbed him by the arms, threw a rough sack over his face, and dragged him bodily out of the building.

---

Haha! Take that! You'll never defeat the undying power of LOVE! the excited voice split through the air as a brightly ribboned staff swept back and forth. Mike planted his feet solidly, barely noticing Binky clinging to his shoulders. Frightened sparkles shuddered from the koala and scattered over the ground. Mike shut his eyes tightly, concentrating evil such as this could always be defeated by good that was just how it worked. He heard painful howls from the demons. It was working! He concentrated harder.

TAKE THAT YOU SPAGHETTI OF A VICTORIAN SALAD!!! a feminine voice howled. The whistle of steel through air was accompanied by yet another scream. Mike's eyes flew open. Go Kat!! he shouted, jumping up and down in place. They'll soon see the error of their ways! Boy oh boy Binky, we did a great job!!

Kat yelled, and her sword drove home, followed a moment later by a heavy, hulking body slumping over onto her feet. Hey!! Let me go!! I said I'm not going to buy any of your lemon-flavored vacuum cleaners!! she complained, struggling to free her feet from the corpse of what appeared to be an armored orc. Mike dashed up, and carefully pried the heavy axe from the clenched fingers of the creature.

In the spirit of love! he yelled, and hacked off its head.

ACK!! MIKE!! yelped Kat as foul-looking—and smelling—blood spattered across her armor. Did you have to do that!? Now I'm going to— her voice froze in mid-sentence as Binky peeked his head nervously over Mike's shoulder. she cooed, her eyes growing large and glassy. It's so CUUUUUUTE that I—

No! No not now! Binky! Mike plucked the koala from his shoulder and quickly hid it behind his back. Listen to me, Kat! There's more of these orcs around every hill, especially at night! We've cut our way through hordes of them since we've come this way we still have a job to do! No time!

Kat blinked, the glaze disappering from her eyes. yeah. That's true, she agreed. Despite the fact that we're an idealistic magical dude and a badly trained and outfitted overexuberant warrior man, we really _have_ done pretty well. Though it's getting hard to carry all these axes Kat staggered as she picked up an armload of six or seven of the heavy weapons.

Well you could always leave some behind we don't _use_ them Mike said thoughtfully, looking at the one he still held in his hand.

Are you nuts!? They're souvenirs! How else are we going to prove to the mighty demons of haystacks that we have managed to survive inexplicably against ALL ODDS!?

I guess you're right, Mike said after a moment's thought. Binky, take this axe, and we'll be on our way!

The koala squirmed in Mike's hands and gulped uncertainly.

---

They're so _mean_, JC said ruefully, staring at the camera in her hands. The flash went off.

CONTROL YOUR INCESSANT FLASHY LIGHTY DOOM!!! howled the minstrel, who had incidentally been hit in the face with the flash.

I want some lighty doom, maztur

JC yelped, and set the camera down on the clammy stone floor next to her. Dib blinked, tearing his gaze away from the device, and looked upwards.

Do you think there's any way out of here? he said. He sure didn't see one. His bitter indignation at the unfairness of their treatment was eating at him, and he stared again at the tiny barred window up near the ceiling. Of all things, throwing them in a dungeon. They didn't even know what was going on beyond the castle walls but _something_ must have happened. Something bad that pointed to their group. Or maybe the idiot townspeople of Atsel just wanted someone to blame _that_ was always possible.

Of course there's a way out, Aubri said calmly from behind Dib. All these old fortified cities have escape tunnels beneath the walls; it's merely a matter of finding out where they are and how to get to them.

And how, oh MIGHTY and pitiful WIZARD, is this to be done!? huffed the minstrel, who was holding his fiddle carefully in its leather case and pulling his cloak tighter around himself. Dib found himself suddenly wishing for a cloak it was _cold_ in here. The minstrel's little dog was silent for once, clinging to Zim and staring around him with wide eyes.

I'm a freezy! it said softly, but no one seemed to pay attention.

Aubri ignored Zim's question, moving instead to one wall and reaching a hand towards the stone. He slid his fingers across it, and they stopped in the cracks between the stones, the tips glowing to tapered points. No one moved for a long time the only sound was the occasional chattering of teeth or shifting of movement to try and keep warm. And then Aubri's hand moved in a quick and decisive movement, and he kicked out, slamming a boot into the wall. The glow intensified along the cracks between the wall, and the stone crumbled. Quite calmly, Aubri brushed some of the rubble with his boot into the dark space that had appeared. The crashing and tumbling of stone falling vertically a very long distance echoed up to them. Aubri spun around, robes swirling.

he said, with a small smile. Who's first?


	10. Rescue from Darkness

A/N: Severe apologies for the lateness of this chapter. For the past month I've been involved in this lovely thing called National Novel Writing Month... write 50,000 words in 30 days. All my writing has been on that novel ^.^; But, it's finished now, and is up in my profile if you'd care to read it. And now that it's done, I can get back to working on my other stories. They shan't be neglected that long again! And so here is the next chapter of Imperfections!

--------

I'm not going down there!! No way!! JC said, backed up against the wall, eyes wide.

ZIM will not be forced into that pit of DOOM! the minstrel yelled, crossing his arms. KidK said nothing, only hugged the shaking Ivy closer to comfort her. Aubri's gaze, which was very faintly green around the edges, turned to rest on Dib.

Dib said quickly, the moment he met Aubri's eyes. I'm not crazy!! I'm not going down there! I don't even know where it goes!!

Dib, you have a responsibility Aubri said, arching an eyebrow. You took on this quest. You need to finish it, and I'm going to help you, but we _can't finish it in here_.

Then YOU go, JC shuddered, still staring wide-eyed at the hole.

I need to be the one to get the rest of you through, he said with a sigh.

I'LL GO!! the minstrel's little dog suddenly shrieked. IT LOOKS LIKE A ROLLEY COASTER TUNNEL!!

GIR!! GET BACK HERE!! the minstrel leapt to his feet as the green dog scampered excitedly towards the hole. Aubri knelt quickly, picked up the little animal, swept him towards the hole, and set him down seemingly in empty air.

BYE MASTER!! the little dog waved energetically, before a soft glow spread around it and it fell.

the minstrel howled, and staggering back against the wall, he turned a furious glare on Aubri. YOU!! HOW DARE YOU DO SUCH A HORRENDOUS VILE ACTION TO MY DOG-SLAVE!!! YOU WILL SUFFER DOOOOOOOOM FOR THIIIIIS!!!

calm down! KidK said, reaching out from where she was huddled against the wall with Ivy to put a hand on the minstrel's shoulder. He broke away and glared at her.

Do not touch me!! he said, tightening his grip on his fiddle. How can you remain so calm when this wizard has FOULLY betrayed my amazing MIGHT!?

I'm sure it's safe KidK paused, looking worriedly over towards Aubri. It is safe, isn't it?

THERE'S FUNNY ROCKS DOWN HERE!! a shriek of joy echoed up to them from far below. KidK looked at Zim, who looked at Aubri. Zim glared between each of them, then suddenly strode to the hole.

ZIM SHALL DESCEND FIRST!! he said, and puffed his chest out, daring anyone to oppose his decision. Without another word, Aubri rolled his eyes and stepped back over to the hole, and the rest of the party got to their feet and followed.

er really do you think that _entire _village needs to be burned at the stake, Red? Tabby said nervously, handing another bowl of nachos to the tall figure reclining on the satiny pillows.

Sure it does, Red grumped, grabbing a handful of the nachos and stuffing them into his maw. They'a inshholen.

Red?

The king looked up, one red eye narrowed and cheese dripping down his chin. He paused a moment to thrust his heavy crown straight on his head with one claw.

Well, I just think Tabby dropped her gaze and her wings ruffled at her sides in agitation. A long pause followed, broken only by the crunching of nachos. The thief fidgeted, then shrugged. Well, I'm sure they probably deserve it anyway.. she said, trying to drudge up her mercenary training. She was not even close to a high rank or assassin but she knew that the only way to accomplish most of the tasks her occupation entailed was to become cold.

They do, Red said matter-of-factly, before diving into the next mouthful of nachos. He really was cute when he did that, Tabby thought as she watched him.

Dib blinked and threw an arm out in front of him. His hand slapped against—not stone as he'd expected, but a solid wooden door. he called back, and started pushing on it. A very faint glow moved over his shoulder, and Aubri reached over his head to shove the door loose only it came off on the wrong side; the hinges separating from the doorframe and nothing but the bars and padlocks holding the door up from the other side. Dib blinked and stepped through. His boots slid on wet grass, and he breathed a sigh of relief they were outside again. There were a couple of stars out, but not many, and the all-encompassing darkness still loomed

MOVE your huge head, DIB-BEAST!! a voice snarled practically in Dib's ear, and he yelped, jumping quickly to one side and spinning to face his assailant. Zim's crimson eyes glowed in the darkness.

You STUPID minstrel!! Dib snapped, catching his breath. Don't you know we have to be _quiet_!? We're trying to sneak out, here!!

Dib, shhhh the gypsy girl said, coming out behind Zim carrying the little Irken girl. She paused a minute to look at Ivy, making sure she was okay most likely.

Zim said imperiously, puffing his chest out and lifting up his fiddle. Further ignore the DIB!

We will we will! JC said hurriedly, and she pushed roughly past the little minstrel, nearly knocking him over. Now come on let's go!!

FOOLISH, INSOLE— the minstrel suddenly started, only to be frozen into silence when Aubri stepped towards him swiftly, tapped' a hand against his antennae, then took JC by the arm and headed straight north for the road. She stumbled along behind him, too bewildered to say anything.

Zim stared, then immediately growled under his breath and lifted a hand up to massage some feeling back into the sensitive appendages. Dib glared at him. The minstrel always screamed bloody murder if you _pulled_ his antennae but no, making him scream now would be a _bad_ idea. Dib tagged along after Aubri instead.

There it is panted Kat, looking up at the towering stone edifice, surrounded by villages and farms on all sides. She staggered, tripped, and dropped an entire armload of orc axes with a crash into the middle of the road.

Oh dear said Mike, staring at the tangled heap of oversized weapons. Maybe you could put them into storage?

Kat stared at the pile of axes, then looked up at Mike, then stared back down at the axes again. she said patiently. I can't store anything that could have remote psychic powers, a past life as a toothbrush, or the ability to rust its vital edges. THAT would inevitably cause some kind of holocaustic eruption of monster zombie geckos spitting maple syrup and driving small pink Corvettes. These are staying with me!! So saying, she struggled to pick them up again, staggering dangerously under their weight.

Mike eyed the blades nervously, then brightened. Ah, I know he said, and reached a hand towards them. Sparkles, make magic! he said brightly, and Binky obligingly reached over the magical dude's shoulder and flung a pretty shower of colored sparkles at the axes. Nothing seemed to happen, but Mike smiled in pride. Now they'll be as light as feathers! he said. Come on, Binky! He strode off into one of the villages, headed for the castle.

moaned Kat, struggling after him. I wonder if I'll ever get a chance to fly, before my knees crack. She paused thoughtfully, then called after Mike, Did you know that cape of yours could possibly have belonged to my younger sister's best friend's father's girlfriend's former roommate's third grade teacher's pet hamster's first murder victim?

Binky glanced backwards, shivered off some sparkles, and hid himself in Mike's hat.

Dawn was barely beginning to filter light through the sky before the seashore came into sight. There was no nice, convenient port here, and there were very few sandbars. It was mostly sharp, jagged rocks that caught waves of the tide and shattered them violently into millions of droplets.

They've been here already, Aubri said quietly, and glancing down, Dib's eyes widened. The ground was covered in footprints, ash, and charred wood splinters. A hideous dark taint lingered and clung to the litter, and Dib felt himself moving closer to his mentor unconsciously. The minstrel, however, had no such compunctions, and he marched haughtily along the trail of footprints.

Where are you _going_? Dib half snapped after him. He hoped the obnoxious being was taking off for good, though it wasn't likely.

There is a BUILDING here, Zim said, his antennae perked nearly straight. It is full of filthy death. No one moved or said anything for a long moment, and the green being immediately whipped his fiddle out and started playing energetically. The smoky tendrils of music swept over Dib's mind, and he angrily shook them off. This was no time—_never_ was a good time—for the minstrel to start trying to mind-control them. Resisting the urge to give Zim a good shove into the nearest ice-cold mud patch, Dib headed in the direction the minstrel had been looking. Zim stood imperiously, chest puffed out, his bow sliding expertly across the fiddlestrings.

Dib glanced at him, and decided to stop resisting the urge. He'd barely reached out to shove the green being when he was tackled bodily from behind.

Don't pick the tatoes b'fore SANTA COMES TO VISIT MEEEEEE!!!! the minstrel's little dog squealed in Dib's ear. It pounded on his back rhythmically before leaping off, performing a graceful pirouette in midair, and landing to throw its small black arms around Zim's waist. I loves yoooouu it cooed affectionately.

snapped the minstrel impatiently, and he stopped playing, turning away from the dog to shield his instrument.

KidK said, straightening up suddenly.

What, stink-slave?? the minstrel said in exasperation. Dib picked himself up from the ground and brushed off his clothes, fixing the little dog with a glare. The creature didn't take notice, it was far too busy clinging to its master and singing a requiem mass. Little Ivy clung to the gypsy girl's skirts, shaking with fear. KidK patted her antennae gently, but her attention was elsewhere. Dib looked up, then turned his head to follow her gaze.

Aubri had moved away from them and was standing at the very edge of what had once been a simple building. It towered upwards, except for the stone pillars that had come crashing down. Fires still licked at the beams inside of it, and the charred remains of an entire host of people inside littered the floor. Dib gulped nervously and edged his way over to stand next to his mentor. Even Zim was silent, for a moment, before he started playing the fiddle again. It was a requiem mass, the same one the little green dog was singing. At least he has _some_ sense of decency, Dib thought numbly, staring down into the blackened face of someone who he thought must've had a nicer time in life than in death.

There's only one survivor, Aubri said softly, and he stepped past Dib, robes swishing against the ash covered floor. Dib gulped, and followed him. A bright flash of light went off against a heap of burned cadavers, and Dib suppressed the urge to retch at the sight.

this is really gross, JC said from behind him, sounding almost awed. Dib nodded, feeling even more sickened.

Almost there Aubri murmured.


	11. Survivor and Relief

I don't know what to DO!! wailed Purple, collapsing down into an ornate throne, his tall thin frame folded up in despair. I can't find her!! She's just vanished!

I'm sure she's fine, Purple, Tabby said matter-of-factly, her wing feathers ruffling only slightly. Red wanted me to tell you that he thinks you're too stressed he hired some performers for you.

Huh? What? No! I don't have time for _that_! Purple whined. I have so much work to do to find her! I've sent out so much personnel there's hardly anyone _left_! We can't afford performers at the moment! Take them to the kitchen and the laundry, they can make themselves useful!

You want to feed us to the ravenous hordes of paperclips!? a feminine voice cried, and a moment later a motley warrior figure staggered in through the door and dropped a massive load of orc axes to the floor with a crash. Do you have any idea how off-key their humming is!? She fixed Purple with a righteous glare.

uh. Who he stammered, his eyes wide.

Oh, forgive me the warrior leapt over the fallen axes and executed a sweeping bow to Purple, which ended with her standing on her head and waving her feet in the air at him.

another voice called, followed by an extravagantly dressed figure with an impressive feather in his hat, and a small grey koala trotting near his feet.

Just a minute, Mike, the motley warrior said, her face a mask of concentration. I'm trying to hear the dust motes they're having a concert

I.. I thought you said they were off-key, Purple said worriedly, his antennae flicking back and forth in confusion under his heavy crown.

NOT THEM! Kat cried, before falling with a crash to the floor. 

Mike hurried over to help her to her feet, tossing his staff to the koala, who caught it out of the air. Sparkles scattered over the floor.

Purple leaned towards Tabby. is _this_ are these the performers?

I guess so Tabby said, her eyes on the koala suspiciously. The little animal looked up curiously, its cute little paws clutching the long staff protectively. It made a startled squeeking sound as the staff was pulled from its grip from above by Mike, who had finished righting Kat and now proceeded to straighten his posture, glare defiantly at Purple, and wave the staff in a series of complex-looking patterns.

What's he doing!? Purple said, trying to squeeze back into the throne.

I don't know, Tabby said, her voice tinged with impatience. She was getting worried her gaze kept drifting towards the doors. What the heck was Red up to? And why had he hired _these_ people? Had they just crossed the street at the wrong time? It sure looked like it

-- 

Dib shivered, and rubbed his arms. There was an unnatural cold pervading this place, a very unnatural cold he suppressed the urge to move to Aubri's other side to get away from the minstrel, who was stalking along on his left. He could hear the little Irken girl crying softly. Bright flashes of light lit up the walls occasionally, as JC scuttled to and fro with her camera.

This is so neat! she was saying, mostly to herself. Maybe this place is haunted!

Haunted with what, Dib wondered. Evil spirits? Long deceased magical remains of practicing wizards? He found himself walking straighter, his gaze moving more quickly over the ruined building. Of course, there were more likely to be ghosts of a sort here from the people who had been destroyed. Warped and dark souls corrupted by the hideous taint of evil that had invaded this place. Or

Aubri pointed swiftly towards a pile of rubble in a corner. She's still alive.

JC said, eyes round as she stared at the pile.

Can I have a waffle? the minstrel's dog asked plaintively.

The gypsy girl swiftly reached the pile as soon as Dib did. He dropped to his knees and started pawing through the rubble. KidK helped him as quickly as she could, although she kept glancing up almost reproachfully at the minstrel who kept his distance, giving her his best affronted glare. Dib jumped as his hand brushed something soft, and KidK pulled a last chunk of stone off of the pile to reveal the bruised and bloodied forehead of a pale girl. Her eyes were closed, her purple hair was tangled and pulled back into pigtails.

A bright flash of light from the camera went off, just before Aubri stepped between Dib and KidK and hovered a hand quietly above the girl's forehead. Dib and the gypsy girl moved out of the way and continued to struggle to take the rubble off of the girl's still form. Glancing to one side, Dib noticed nervously that his mentor's eyes were glowing green again. Barely perceptible tendrils of light and feeling swelled up under his hand, seeming almost to draw into the girl.

What's he doing? Dib asked KidK. She gazed for a long moment at the procedure before answering.

Well, he's healing her my family knows a few tricks of the sort but nothing like KidK's voice trailed off. I hope she lives, she said, her voice taking on a mournful tinge. A frightened sound came from behind Dib, and he turned to see the little Irken girl flattened against the wall. The minstrel still stood haughtily, holding his fiddle, his antennae flicking towards the Irken child's cries but doing no more. The little green dog, meanwhile, was tying knots in the strings hanging from JC's shoes. She didn't notice but continued to make her camera flash.

KidK glanced back down at the girl, and the otherwise motionless Aubri, and then went over to Ivy. The green-eyed Irken child looked up at her and reached out, clinging to her skirt. Dib looked away. This entire place was making him feel sick, despite his intrigue about the possible existence of floating spirits. The taint of evil remained from the attack, and Dib couldn't help but want to get out of there as soon as possible.

It seemed like ages before the purple-haired girl's green eyes fluttered open. They were glazed with shock as they stared up at Aubri, who continued to kneel at the girl's side. KidK detached herself from Ivy with a reassuring pat to the child's antennae, and went over to help clear all the traces of rubble from the girl's body. She was tall and thin, and dressed in the plain habit of a nun. Her frame shook with shock and injury, and Aubri reached down to take her hand.

You're safe now, he said. Stand up.

what? I can't stand up, damnit, I've just b-been.. her voice trailed off shakily.

Stand up! he said again, the green glow in his eyes intensifying.

She stared up at him for a long moment, then slowly climbed to her feet, reaching up to wipe the drying blood from her forehead with a robed sleeve. She seemed surprised at her ability to do so—and even _more_ surprised at the bright flashes of light that were emanating from JC's camera.

Oh wow this is SO cool, JC said excitedly as she snapped the button on little device over and over. You were DEAD! For good measure the camera was aimed at several piles of charred dead bodies. At the same moment, the purple-haired girl seemed to notice the bodies as well. Her pale complexion turned a whiter shade.

Oh God she said, and started mumbling under her breath, shaking even harder. Dib wondered if she really was a nun this was the second time she'd.. well.. swore. But he didn't think it would be entirely polite to enquire.

The minstrel sneered. Yet another filthy huuuman arises to serve the might of Ziiim's fiddle! he crowed, but as Dib glanced sharply at him, he saw that the green being's antennae were swiveling nervously. Maybe it was a trick of the light or the lack of it, but in the sidelines of the flashing of JC's camera he thought the minstrel looked a bit pale as well.

Serve you? the girl said, seeming to get her voice back a little bit. SERVE you? YOU? Some undersized mold-covered little—OH MY GOD!! Her voice rose to a shriek as her gaze fell onto GIR.

HIIIIIIII donkeyhead!! GIR hollered excitedly.

What is THAT!? the purple-haired girl said in abject horror. Whatever it is, keep it away from me!! A haunted look crossed her eyes and she seemed to be reaching at pockets that weren't there, looking for something she no longer had.

Oh, but he's just SO cute!! JC said, and tried to turn to take a picture of the smiling GIR. She promptly tripped over her knotted shoelaces and fell with a crash just shy of a mess of burned body parts. The camera flew from her hands into the air as she cried out in surprise.

Dib, seeing the magical box at peril, leapt forward to catch it in his hands. It was smoother than he would've thought, and it almost slid from his grasp, but he managed to catch hold of it. He shook his head, never seeming to run out of amazement for the strange device. Now.. how did it work? Turning it to face JC, who was trying to clamber to her feet without first untying her shoe laces, he searched the surface of it, found a small round button, and pushed it. A flash of light shot out. Dib said, beside himself despite the ugly feeling of his surroundings.

Hey! That's mine—oof! JC said as she continued to try, and fail, at getting up with her handicap.

This isn't some stupid game! You don't get this!! the purple-haired girl suddenly cried, striding over to Dib and snatching the camera from him. Turning, she seemed about to fling the camera into the nearest stone wall, but Aubri stepped over and caught her wrist firmly before she had the chance. She started, and turned to stare at him with eyes that held a look more haunted and frightened than anything else. For a moment, she looked like a rabbit caught in the grip of a python.

The moment passed, and she straightened up, trying to muster a glare at the wizard. He returned the glare, harshly, and within a moment, she was almost whimpering, trying to get away from him, shrinking back from his gaze.

Aubri said, his voice quite cold. Her hand spasmed and the camera fell from her grasp, conveniently right into JC's hands, though the out-of-place girl had not yet managed to get to her feet. Once she had the camera, however, she seemed to relax and think over her situation a little better. Noticing the knots in her shoelaces, she started untying them.

Aubri said, releasing the purple-haired girl's wrist. What's your name?

Why should I tell you— she started, then backed away from him several steps. she said. Keep away from me!! The entire nunnery may have been burned but you won't get me, too!!

I have no intention of allowing you to share their fate, Aubri said. For our part, we have need of a boat. You know this area, don't you? Can you lead us to one?

A _boat_??

That's what I said.

the minstrel hollered from the wall someplace. Zim refuses to go on any rickety huuuuman craft across the filthy slimy water!!

Devi didn't seem to register the minstrel's yells, or even Aubri's request. She just stared at the wizard with that same horrible look in her eyes. Maybe he had healed her physically, but Dib could see where the real damage lay. What had she _seen_? What kind of noxious horrors had invaded and destroyed this place and why was _he_ the one chosen' to stop it? Dib shuddered. For a moment, he almost wished he was back on his father's farm, tilling the nice, boring, unfrightening earth. But that moment passed, and he looked around at the other members of the group.

The minstrel was standing stiffly and glaring towards Aubri, his fiddle held in his arms. JC had managed to untie her shoelaces, and, completely unfazed, was climbing to her feet. KidK had moved back towards the little minstrel, and the Irken child had clung onto her skirt again. The minstrel's green dog was what _was_ he doing? Dib took a moment to stare at the creature and blink, then decided that it was little more odd for the little dog to be dancing a schottische with a crumbled brick than anything else it had done.

Dib looked at them all, and a strange sense of purpose came over him. They were all helpless people, just caught in the middle of all this of course he would do whatever he could to find out what this threat was and how it could be stopped! And if he gained a little respect and recognition in the process, what was the harm?

snapped the minstrel, seeing that Dib's gaze had fallen on him. Look the other way! The OTHER way! Do not look at the might of ZIM! The green being looked shaken and still more pale, but Dib, rolling his eyes, looked away. Stupid minstrel and his stupid insane pride. He wasn't as perfect as he _pretended_ to be, at least. The gypsy girl knew that too; at least it could be figured from the concerned and compassionate look she gave Zim as she gently patted the antennae of the little Irken girl at her side.


End file.
